I really Hate Terrorists
by Silentpassenger
Summary: AU. What would happen if Harry Potter woke up after taking Quirrel out and realized he is not Harry Potter but someone else? How will this new Harry Potter deal with the unending crucible that is his life. Some laughs and making fun of cliches and plot holes. Grey Harry. I suck at summaries. It's my first story ever. M for language...
1. Chapter 1

**I Really Hate Terrorists**

Disclaimer: These characters are the property of J.K Rowling and WB. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: This story picks up after the events of the Philosopher's Stone. This is my first story and I'm doing it for fun. This fanfic will have a military speaking tone so there will be a lot of military jargon I will try to define it at the end of the chapter. This story will also have a lot of mature language. You have been warned.

"speech"

 _Thoughts_

 **Chapter 1**

"What happened? I feel like I've been hit by a truck." At the sound of the childlike voice the patient quickly tried to sit up and was rewarded by a feeling of vertigo. After the patient got his bearings he realized his hands were small and that they were pale, like Caucasian pale. At the sudden realization his heart started to speed up and and a feeling of cold dread and panic started to take hold.

"Good afternoon, Harry," said a tall man with a long white beard dressed like some wizard at comic-con.

"Who are you?!" yelled the patient. The pit of his stomach starting to sink further.

"It's me, my boy, Albus Dumbledore, your headmaster. Don't you remember me? Harry, look at me. Are you alright, my boy?" the bearded stranger asked in a worried tone.

"No way. This can't be. Aww fu…" was all that was heard before the patient, now identified as Harry Potter promptly fainted from the panic attack he had just experienced. When he woke up later that night, he laid in bed staring at the stone ceiling and realized that he wasn't dreaming or hallucinating, he started to ponder how he got to to some infirmary in a work of fiction.

 _Fuuuuuuuck! Ok… let's think this through. How did I get here? How did I go from, 6'0" & 180lbs of hard steel and sex appeal to 4' nothing & 50lbs of skin and bone. Not to mention, from Afro-Latino caramel to fucking pasty Caucasian! If I were any fucking paler, I would glow in the fucking dark! This kid needs a tan ASAP. This is not how I imagined my day ending. Did I die? Or have I hallucinated 34 years of life. Get it together! Start at the beginning._

 _ **FLASHBACK~~~~~**_

A soldier stands by a bookshelf made from old pallets. His head turns from the book in right hand to the magazine on his left.

"Just got off that long ass patrol, got my equipment cleaned and ready. Shat, showered and shaved, now's the time to get some r&r. Now, should I read this book that I haven't read since high school or should I get some alone time with Ms. Paula Patton in this Maxim? Decisions…." He hardened his resolve and stared at the magazine. "Sorry baby, I know you and I have been together since my second tour but I'll make up to you tonight before I go on that mission." he then turned to the book and said "Alright Harry Potter, let's go find that stone and kick Voldemort's scaly ass." He did an about face and walked over to his cot in the plyboard hut that served as his home away from home.

"You know sarge, you can be one weird motherfucker. You can also be a scary and deadly motherfucker but mostly weird." said a soldier that had been standing in the doorway watching the soldier talk to himself while he chose reading material.

"Is that how you speak to a higher ranked NCO, sergeant? For shame!" the seated soldier replies in a mock scandalized tone. "Seriously, though why are you here, Mack? I just got back from patrol and got a mission tonight so I can't fuck around for too long before I try to get some rack time. What do you want?" he said followed by a yawn.

"Not much just seeing if you had any extra dip you could sell me, so I have some on patrol. When is your next shipment coming in, anyways, Martinez?"

Martinez' demeanor changed to one of a sleazy used car salesman. "Why Mckenzie, you are in luck, I just got my stock replenished yesterday. Would you like just one can or a roll? I also have a carton of 'Cowboy Killers' if you are interested, the thing is this shipment was smaller than usual so my supply is limited which brings the price up… you understand right?" he asked in a sickly sweet manner.

"Fuckin' SF pipehitter, part time medic and full time con artist. How much for a roll?" replied Mckenzie in defeat.

"Why Sergeant Mckenzie, that would be $30 but because you are a loyal customer we will drop the price to $25. Best prices in all of Korengal valley, Afghanistan, my friend" Martinez quipped

"Cock sucking thief! Here's your money. You're lucky, I gotta roll in 15 mikes otherwise I would kick your ass for this daylight robbery."

"Sergeant Mckenzie, I'm just a businessman trying to get by. You know if you stopped dipping and smoking you could have saved yourself $25." Martinez jovially replied.

"Fuck off! I gotta roll, wouldn't look good if the team leader is last one at the rally point. See ya when I get back, brother"

"Yeah Mack, keep your head on a swivel out there. Fuckers have been too quiet. See ya when you get back, brother." Martinez said to his best friend.

Martinez put his contraband away and laid on his cot and started reading his Harry Potter. He made it one chapter before he fell asleep.

"MARTINEZ! KIT UP. WE GOTTA GO HELP BRAVO THEY GOT AMBUSHED AND ARE PINNED DOWN."

Martinez awoke to the loud yell from his door. It took a nanosecond for the info to register but he was geared up and ready to be help his battle buddies. It didn't take too long to get to the battlefield, he could see the reinforcements pushing the terrorists back so he was gonna make his way to the wounded. He helped patch up a few guys then he realized Mckenzie wasn't on the fire line and he wasn't with the wounded.

"WHERE'S MCKENZIE?" He bellowed. One of the soldiers being patched up said he was still holding them off. Martinez got a small team to follow him and and they made their way to where Mckenzie was holding up. He saw his friend behind a boulder trying to fire his side arm. Martinez saw Mckenzie's right arm was bleeding badly. He turned to the two soldiers and gave his instructions.

"Listen up, I'm gonna need you to call in a strike on that side of the valley. I know its danger close but we have a good chance of haulin ass out of here before then. I'm gonna need you to provide cover fire so I can get Mckenzie and drag his ass over here after I assess his wounds, tracking?" he commanded.

"Roger, sarge. Just tell me when. Let's end these fuckers." Private Meyers replied with righteous anger reflected in his eyes.

"Private Morales, how long till that strike?"

"10 mikes, sergeant." he stated with a predatory grin.

"I'm going for it. Cover me while I move."

Martinez heard the gunfire but he just focused on his buddy. He ran from cover to cover until he made it to the boulder.

"Mack, you good? You look like you're losing a lot of blood. Where's your first aid kit?" he asked as he inspected his buddy's wound.

"I lost my pack when I threw myself behind cover. What really pisses me off is that I just lost that roll of fucking dip!" he spat through clenched teeth.

"Well you are in luck my friend. First aid is free. The roll of dip will cost you $25 though," Martinez quipped.

"Fuck you!" screamed McKenzie as the bandage was pressed to the wound.

"You should be good enough to move. We gotta roll, strike is coming in and it's very fucking danger close. I'll cover you. You haul ass to the tree line."

Martinez popped up from behind the boulder and fired at the enemy on the other side of the valley. He fired his rifle while bullets peppered around him. Then he heard his buddy made it to the rest of the team. He ducked and reloaded his rifle then heard the go signal. He saw his team yelling and firing behind him then he tripped. He flailed and touch the ground with his left hand but his team was 5 meters away he would make it. He knew instantly he wasn't gonna make it when the red hot poker of pain slammed under his left armpit. He felt like he got kicked in the armpit then took a bat to the chest. As he laid there he knew the bullet hit his lung and most likely his heart so he didn't have long. It was kinda like the movies, everything went slow-mo. They rolled him onto his back and he watched the plane fly by. He could see his battle buddies yelling at him to hold on and frantically trying to save his life. He coughed up the blood in his throat, squeezed his best friend's hand smiling up to let him know that everything was gonna be ok. Then as he saw the plane start to open up on the enemy he lifted up his left hand shakily and flipped the enemy the bird. His last thought as his vision started to fade to black:

 _Fuck those guys._

 **FLASHBACK END~~~~~**

The boy was staring at the ceiling and contemplating his situation. _I wonder if I would've picked the Maxim instead of the book, if I would be banging Paula Patton right now. I'm such a moron. So, I didn't see a spirit guide or deity or grim reaper. This is definitely not heaven otherwise I would be banging Paula Patton. That only leaves hell. Yup, this must be hell. Waking up in the body of a malnourished, pale English kid while some creep ass old man watches me sleep. So I'm a scrawny ass 11 year old kid in England. This blows. Those are the facts so what are the options. I think I woke up at the end of the first book. Let's not forget that fact either. Options…. Ok. Option one. I could tell dumbledick I'm a reincarnated soul or whatever. Repercussions, they could send my ass to a magical insane asylum. They could obliviate my ass and I would forget who I am then I really would be potter. Yeah not doing that. Option two, I could fake a concussion. Say I hit my head and had temporary amnesia then pretend to be Harry. Option two for the win. Now, Harry was a naive scared little boy. I ain't doing that. I can pretend to be suffering until I get back to the Dursley's and put boot to ass on those fucking child abusers. What can I do to fix this shit. I always thought Dumbledore was low key, a con man. He is gonna wanna control some poor, naive and abused kid. I need to get the fuck out of dodge asap if I will have any chance to survive voldemort. I am so not gonna call him that. It's just fucking stupid. I'll call him asshole. That will work for now till I come up with something better. Now, how will I go about this… I need money which I have a lot of in that vault. How did I know that? Aww shit I have all of real Harry's memories. Oh shit! I have magic! I totally overlooked that. Ok ok… Gringotts is a bank right. Maybe I can get a personal banker and they can help me out and if they are a bank they have lawyers and they can get me one to deal with the douchebags that locked Harry up. Maybe I could even sue Dumbledick. I'll figure it out. So item one is getting to Gringotts. Then item 2 would be to get fit. I will not be some pasty ass bite size pansy. This place has potions maybe I can get looked at muggle side and compare it to what they say wizard side and get this body to cold steel and sex appeal status. Fuuuuck! I just realized I'm stuck in 1992. Wait a minute this might not be so bad. Grunge is at its peak! Gansta rap! All is not lost! So recap. Gringotts, then health then planning for that fucking snake in the chamber of secrets and for Gary Oldman a.k.a Sirius. So much to do. Before anything else though, I gotta get through Dumbledore's interrogation. It's crazy how all these people actually resemble the actors in the movie. Alright. First things first, talking to that creepy ass dude then putting up with super ginger and future hottie. Alright, get some rack time and then kick this shit show off. Fuck me, Jason Martinez died. I'm Harry muthafucking Potter now._

The following morning Harry awoke to the sound of whispered conversations. He decided to open his eyes to deal with this asap.

"Good afternoon dear, how are you feeling? Do you have any pain? Do you know who I am?" asked a woman. It took a minute but his mind offered up the info.

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey I remember you. I feel a slight headache but it is mostly likely because I'm thirsty," he replied.

"Good. I really do think you should get some more bed rest but the headmaster wanted to speak with you. He's awake Albus, now I'm gonna get him some headache potion and I'll be right back," she said before walking off.

"Good after noon, Harry," said Dumbledore.

"He got the stone, didn't he, sir." He asked.

"He didn't, actually, all thanks to you and your friends. I must thank you for that." He stated behind his twinkling eyes and grandfatherly smile.

 _This dude is such a creep. I need to move conversation along. Then pretend to be somber cuz that other dude died. I'm just so glad the English accent comes out automatically cuz otherwise I would be so fucked._

"Is he in custody or is he dead?" he asked.

"He is dead, Harry. You see he was already dead he was just possessed by voldemort. I want you to know you aren't a murderer, he was already dead. You can't kill what's already dead," he said in his most assuring voice.

"I guess now the professor can finally rest in peace." Harry stated in the most somber and innocent manner he could.

"That is a wonderful way to look at it, my boy. As soon as Poppy releases you, you should get back to your friends and get ready for the leaving feast," He stated in his grandfatherly manner.

"I will professor," Harry assured.

 _Boy, are you gonna be in for a treat, ya creep._

Military Jargon

NCO- non commissioned officer

Rack time- sleep

Dip- chewing tobacco

Cowboy killers- Marlboro red cigarettes

SF- special forces

Pipehitter- term often used to categorize the elite, special operations, direct action units of the Military.

Mikes- minutes

Tracking- understand


	2. Chapter 2

**I Really Hate Terrorists**

Disclaimer: These characters are the property of J.K Rowling and WB. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N:

for the reviews and follows. This is my first story and I'm doing it for fun. Sorry, I've been gone for so long but you know how life is.

2\. This fanfic will have a military speaking tone so there will be a lot of military jargon I will try to define it at the end of the chapter if you need something defined either Google it or send me a message or comment I'll try to get back to you in a timely manner. This story will also have a lot of mature language. You have been warned.

3\. I tried to keep this as fun as the last chapter but had to info dump to set up the story. Before you all crucify me for the evil Dumbles trope just give me a chance because I don't want to make this a cliche plot so just stick with me cuz there's a reason for the way I'm introducing characters this way; also keep in mind that Jason is a spec ops operator's mind stuck in an 11 year old body.

"speech"

 _Thoughts_

 **Chapter 2**

 _This is hell no doubt about it. It's sooooo dumb. First, I met the rest of the "Golden trio". The downside of being an adult consciousness in a kid body is that my cohorts are well, childish and annoying. Thank Merlin, for the headache excuse. Wasn't much of a lie since my head feels like the hangover after first night back from deployment. My headaches got worse but interestingly enough there was a reason for that, turns out pipsqueaks body couldn't handle my mind and Dork Lord's soul fragment. Hahaha, that asshole thought he could possess the kids body now that he was weakened. That was funny and somewhat anticlimactic._

 **~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~**

"The hell is going on? I was just in bed cuz that headache now I'm in a white room? This is so cliche for the afterlife." Harry had awoken in an empty white room and started to walk around. It seemed endless until he saw shadows slither from one corner and amass until they formed a dark cloaked figure. The only discernible feature being glowing red eyes.

"You have got to be the most cliched douche lord ever," he taunted.

"You dare, child?! I know not what a douche lord is but I AM THE DARK LORD VOLDEMORT! I will devour every last piece of your soul and possess your body and take over the world!" the cloaked Dark Lord exclaimed.

 _What a moron._ "So before we start our final battle oh Dark Lord, where are we? I mean if I'm gonna die anyway grant me this small request?" he asked. _Let's see if he starts to monologue. I hope he does, then I can check it off my bucket list._

"You pathetic child, I will grant your last request. We are in your mind. _This guy is a fucking moron. Who just gives an enemy the advantage?_ I will thoroughly crush you, in the end you will beg for death and I will not grant it until I grow tired of your screams! Enough talk meet your end, Harry Potter! CRUCIO!" At some point in the monologue Voldemort had drawn a wand and cast the curse. Voldemort watched the spell streak towards the raven haired child eagerly awaiting his cries of anguish. They never came, instead he watched in horror as the curse had frozen a few feet in front of the smirking child.

"IMPOSSIBLE!" he screeched. He cast four more curses in quick succession. "You will not be able to stop this!"

The Dark Lord was wrong again as he watched all the curses freezing in place in front of the now sneering child. Harry then waved his hand and all the curses were flung back to the caster which he quickly shielded.

 _Bahahaha! I knew being a nerd would pay off one day! The Matrix for the win! I'm The One, bitches! Seriously, he said it's my mind so it would only make sense that I have more control over the environment then he ever would. I mean if it's based on imagination well he is fucked because you need imagination to get through a 6 hour PowerPoint. If it's based on will, well you don't become a soldier if you have a weak will. Now time drop this fool._

"There is no spoon, motherfucker. My turn," Harry replied.

Suddenly, a strange contraption appeared in front of the boy. Voldemort had never seen anything like it but he knew that it couldn't be good so he started to cast again only to find that he couldn't cast any curses.

"What have you done? Why can't I use my magic? What is that contraption? You will pay for this, Harry Potter!" he shrieked.

"To answer your questions in order: magic(I love trolling this fool) and this is one of the sexiest pieces of muggle weaponry. Let me introduce you, meet Ma Deuce." He then pressed down on the trigger and tore The Dark Lord apart. In the end there were only small shreds of shadow. The shadow melted into a black liquid that then started to gather itself but before he could reform. _Soooo, Terminator 2, huh._ _Well I know how get rid of a T-1000 motherfucker._ Harry threw a white phosphorus flare on to the pool which had formed. And conjured up a welding helmet. He sat there watching the puddle burn and boil until he heard an agonized scream and watched as the dark lord fade away. The fire died out and all that was left was a small pendant. Harry reached down to pick up the shinning owl pendant. It then melted into his hand and he realized it was the real Harry Potter's complete memories. _This seems so cliche, but whatevs._

"That poor kid really had some shitty luck. He'd been walking around with a TBI from his relatives kicking his ass regularly. No wonder the douche lord's soul killed his off. He must have gone into shock after Quirrel and his mind couldn't handle it. The kid didn't stand a chance. Don't worry kid, I'll get them all back. Hope you find peace with your family. See you on the other side, kid."

Just as he finished paying homage to the child which had been eaten up and spat out by fate. Everything faded to black.

 **~~~~~FLASHBACK END~~~~~**

"Harry, you alright mate? Still got the headaches?" Asked a ginger boy through a mouthful of chocolate frogs and cauldron cakes.

"Yes, Harry are you alright? You haven't been quite right after your stay in the infirmary." asked the concerned bushy haired girl from behind her book.

"I'm just tired and spaced out. I'm actually looking forward to seeing my relatives" he replied behind a smirk. _Those assholes are in for a rude awakening. I can't wait. I'm so glad for owl order._

"So what is everyone's plans for the summer? He asked the compartment. _When in doubt deflect, deflect, deflect._

"I'm going to work in my greenhouse" Neville replied.

"Degnoming the garden probably, me mum always makes us do that. Play some quidditch maybe, not much else. We'll see if you can come for a visit, mate." Ron replied again with a mouthful of sweets while looking at a quidditch magazine.

"I will start my summer homework. you boys should as well and go on holidays with my family later in the summer. What about you, Harry?" Hermione asked.

"I'm going to do my summer school work so I can get it out of the way and then relax. Maybe do some reading and definitely get some music to listen to. I'll owl you all to see if I can come spend time with you during the holidays" He said behind a happy smile. _1992, I'm gonna have to get Metallica, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Beasties Boys, Dr Dre and whatever else I can find. Hopefully the whole electronics and magic thing isn't true or I'm gonna be very upset._

Some time later, Harry had found himself being yelled at on the car ride home. He was ignoring the purple faced man in the driver's seat planning the perfect revenge. _Just you wait fucker you will regret ever treating a kid like an animal. I'm so glad I bought those notes from that 7th year ravenclaw Not to mention paying said seventh year to cast that muggle notice me not charm on that book bag I bought from Dean Thomas. Nothing like getting detailed notes of all seven years of magical education from a valedictorian muggleborn low on funds, 50 galleons well spent. Hedwig should meet me tonight then my plans can start in full._

They were now in the house and his relatives were yelling at him.

"You will not do any of your freakishness in my house do you hear me, boy! We know you can't use that little stick to do any of that freakishness. Your headmaster told us so in his letter." Uncle Vernon bellowed.

"yes, sir" he replied

"Now go to your cupboard! I don't want to see your freakish face!" Vernon yelled.

"yes, sir" He replied before walking into the cupboard. _Dude, you don't even rate compared to some of the drill sergeants I had in boot._

Harry laid down got some sleep because he knew he was going to have a long night. _I hope my Gringotts banker got that letter or I'm screwed._

Later that day he woke up from his nap and pulled out that lockpicks he got that seventh year muggleborn to transfigure so he could practice his lock picking, he couldn't just get det cord and blow the damn door down. He is an 11 year old after all. He was glad that the tv was on so loud so he could practice in secret. He started to practice. He practiced for a few hours by the time he knew the Dursleys were truly asleep he was able to sneak out bug out bag in hand, his wand was in his bug out bag but he recalled the older muggleborns saying that the wands had government traces on them. Hence he had to ninja his ass out of the hole the muggle way. Like he would be that great at magic anyway he knew just enough to get his ass kicked. He walked out without making a sound, snuck out and walked out to the tree across the street where he would meet Hedwig. As he arrived Hedwig landed on his shoulder.

"Hey girl, I'm sorry you had to wait so long, here's an owl treat. Ok girl, go have fun and I'll meet you here later." He fed the owl and read the note he removed from her leg. _Hell yeah! He said yes and to meet my escort a few blocks away so we can portkey directly into the bank._ He then had the owl fly off while he walked over to the park and met his contact.

"Mr. Potter? My name is cursebreaker Bailey. If you will come this way we can portkey. The trip will be far out" the strange man sitting on the park bench stated with an amused twinkle in his eye.

"Thanks for using the passphrase, cursebreaker. I know it seems silly but just because they call you paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get ya. Call me Harry" He stated behind a smirk.

"Call me Chad, and I understand completely. This way, please touch the bucket we will take off immediately, your personal banker is waiting." Chad stated as he pulled out a dented bucket from under the bench.

Harry touched the bucket and heard Chad mutter something before the world started spinning only to come to an abrupt halt in a marble antechamber. _Don't hurl. Don't hurl._

"Through that door Harry, the goblin guard will lead you the rest of the way. It was good meeting you." Chad said as he waved goodbye and walked out a different door.

Harry walked through the designated door met the goblin escort and walked down the long hall to his bankers office.

 _These guys are supposed to be warriors. So I'll just behave like a soldier and see how he reacts._

He walked into to the office and saw the old goblin. He walked in front of the desk with all the military bearing he had acquired in his years of service and stood at parade rest in from of his seat. The old goblin quirked an eyebrow at the sight of the 11 year old child walk in to the office like a muggle soldier. _Interesting. He looks to be a child but that posture and those eyes are of a veteran warrior. How does a child exude that warriors aura? Interesting indeed._

"Mr. Potter, My name is Daggertooth the Potter account manager. Please take a seat. How is it that Gringotts can help you today?" the old goblin asked.

"Well sir, I have a few things. Firstly, I would like a summary of my assets since I have never received a bank statement. I have been raised as muggle so I ask that you forgive my ignorance of the proper protocol and procedures of wizarding banks but muggle banks give statements of their clients accounts and investments and I would like mine. I would also like to know who has access to my accounts" Harry explained.

"We did not know you were being raised by muggles. You have not received any statements? We send them via owl quarterly. You should have received them as soon as you turned 11. We will research the reason as to why you have not received the statements immediately." He wrote on a small piece of parchment and slid it into box. Another goblin came in a few minutes later and walked over to the account manager and whispered in gobbledygook. The account manager looked very upset and started to yell orders to the goblin guard at the door. He put a fist over his heart and bowed his head and quickly did an about face and walked out quickly.

"It seems the goblin nation owes you an apology, Mr. Potter. It seems the junior account manager has been embezzling from your account at the behest of an outside party and has brought shame to his clan and Gringotts. He will pay from his own vaults and with his head. We will of course find out who this outside party is and recoup your funds. _Maybe muggle world banking would be better if that was the consequence for embezzlement._ You will start to receive your statements from now on. As for who has access to your vaults it seems Mr. Albus Dumbledore has access to your trust vault. The other vaults may be accessed only by the head of the Potter clan" Daggertooth explained to the young man.

"Very well, as long as my funds are recouped free of charge. As for the twinkle eyed bastard, I ask for your expertise. Could I somehow move my funds from my trust vault into a new vault. That way he will not know that I know and keep him off balance?" _Called it! That twinkle eyed bastard is a con man. Let's find out what his game is. I hope it's not the cliched you kill dork lord, I kill you so I stay relevant, chestnut._

Daggertooth gave a predatory grin and said "It can be arranged. It is an interesting strategy. Very goblin like if I say so myself."

"Thank you Daggertooth. I am humbled by your compliment. I would like to ask if from now on when the vault is refilled, that 98% of my funds are put into a new vault under a different name. I haven't decided the name yet. I want to hold off on any sort of punishment or restrictions until the opportune time, then hit him with all I've got." _Why is this old goblin looking at me all weird?_

The old goblin stared at the child in shock. No wizard in recent times had ever shown such sincere respect to the Goblin nation not to mention taking being called goblin like as a compliment. The wizards were either disdainful or showed false respect to gain advantage but never sincerity. It started as a chuckle then a laugh then a full belly laugh. Harry stared at him wondering what the goblin found amusing.

"I must apologize, Mr. Potter. I am not laughing you per se but because you are such an interesting young man. We will do as you wish. When you decide, Gringotts will fine Mr. Dumbledore and seek to recoup funds plus interest and penalties most severe. Now, what is next on your agenda?"

"Well I would like to do an inheritance test to see if I have any rights to any other vaults as well. _Thank you, fanfiction. It will be cool if I have more money to help with my goals, if not it will still be cool to see the actual test._ Then once I've verified all my assets I would like to have you invest some of my funds in the muggle world in the companies listed on this piece of parchment and also provide either a check book or bank card and some cash so I may get a few things muggle side. Is there a magical equivalent?" he asked. _First thing, I'm getting me some real underwear that fits. Hand me down underwear is gross and going commando in these over sized pants is drafty._

"Very well, the inheritance test will be brought to is in a moment. As for the muggle side banking we are connected to all major banking institutions in the world. We will get you a credit card. As for the investments they will be taken care of with a standard fee of course." As Daggertooth explained the procedures a goblin clerk appeared with a bowl, a ornamental dagger, quill and parchment and set them on desk.

"Sounds good. So, how do we do this test?"

"You will provide 7 drops of blood into that bowl."

Harry did as he was told and provided the blood and watched as Daggertooth said a spell in gobbledygook and dipped the quill into the blood ink mixture. The mixture was sucked up into that quill and then placed on the parchment. The quill stood straight up then sunk into the parchment which surprised Harry. _That was so effin cool!_ Harry saw words appear on the parchment. He saw the following:

 **Hawthorne James Potter**

 **Born:**

 **July 31st 1980**

 **Father:**

 **James Charlus Potter**

 **Mother:**

 **Lily Potter neé Evans**

 **Lord of Noble and Most Ancient House of Potter**

 **Lord of Noble and Most Ancient House of Peverell**

 **Lord of Noble and Most Ancient House of Slytherin By Right of Conquest**

 **Lord of Noble and Most Ancient House of Gaunt By Right of Conquest**

 **Heir Presumptive of Noble and Most Ancient House of Black**

 **Heir Secundus of Noble and Most Ancient House of Gryffindor**

 **Total amount in vaults: 8,345,711 G**

 **Total amount of properties:11**

 **Total amount of bound servants:0**

 **Various artifacts, portraits and books**

"So, that happened." Harry stated nonchalantly. _Aww shit! Lord Potter Bitches! Assets are taken care of, that's for sure. If I remember correctly the Gaunts were the inbred family of the dork lord._

Daggertooth was again staring at the child in awe. Harry Potter had just become one of the wealthiest and most powerful wizards in Britain.

"It seems we will need to get the family rings. I will say this you are currently head of 4 houses and heir to two. You will not be able to take official Lordship of said houses until you come of age. That's mostly for politics though. You will have limited access to funds from those houses but I believe you will be more than satisfied by the amounts allowed. You will be allowed access to your Black family trust vault only since you are heir and Gryffindor has no such vaults for heir secundus." Daggertooth explained as he drew a box. Inside it were two rings.

"Could you explain these titles also will I have why there are only 2 rings? I'd like to keep a low profile and five rings would not be it but since there is only two rings I was wondering where the the other 3 might be" Harry asked.

"For the Potter and Peverell lines you are the last male of the main line so you are automatically head of house but the Peverell ring has been lost through the ages as for the Slytherin and Gaunt lines you took headship because you defeated the last Lord of those houses that only happens when defending from acts of war from another house but again the rings have been either lost or destroyed. As for Black, it seems you were named heir by the current Lord of Black. There is no ring for heir secundus. The rings signify you are head of those four houses and heir of the fifth. And also these rings come with enchantments so that they are visible only when you want them to be. Minor protection charms not to mention the mind altering potion and poison detector charms to help you determine if items or food are tainted. Please put the first ring on your right ring finger."

Harry slid the Potter ring on his hand and the ring resized to fit comfortably. It reminded him of class rings. Daggertooth handed him the next ring which he was told went on the same finger which it did and combined with the Potter ring. He cycled through them until it settled back on the Potter ring before disappearing altogether. _Sweet! Now to get a move on before the Dursleys wake up._

"Dumbledore could only access my trust vault, right?" he asked now worried about his enormous windfall.

"Only head of house has access to family vaults, magical guardians can only access trust vaults," the goblin replied.

"Okay, now I would like to have that new vault under the name Jason Thorne. _Lol. witty._ Please put 98% of my potter trust vault into it if it has been refilled, if not then 98% of the remainder." Daggertooth looked at the ledgers and stated that his Potter trust vault only allowed 5000 galleons per year on his birthday and that the Black trust vault allowed 10000 but since he has not touched the Black since he was born that he had 110000 galleons he had access to. After some quick mental math he said, "Then I would like 103,430 galleons deposited. This will be my operational account so fees will be paid from that account and when I need more money refill this account from the others. Now, I would like curse breakers to inspect a ward on my muggle home to verify it's use also I would like the house warded if you could come up with a way to award my relatives a trip for a week and maybe compel them to leave me behind by myself, we can get them out of the house to have the work done. I believe I'm being watched so if you could do this in secret I would appreciate it. I would like the best solicitors money can buy in both muggle and wizard sides on retainer. I would like to have two cases/trunks either bought or made that would have multiple compartments, my personal trunk will be including library stocked with all seven years of Hogwarts textbook list, stocked potions lab, bathroom, kitchen, sleeping area, training room with training dummies and muggle gym. The second trunk will have just a library compartment, stocked potions lab and training room and to be sent to one Miss Hermione Granger. _It's not fair that such a smart girl is being held back by a bigoted society. I'll just even the playing field a bit._ I would like it so that when within the compartments no magic leaks out. And of course, top of the line security on the trunks. I don't want to be caught performing magic or have people going through my stuff. I want my money invested to get greatest returns, so I leave that in the hands of your Goblin investors. Lastly, I need to have full physicals done muggle and wizard side and have both compared to see if what is wrong with me can be fixed with either sides treatments or combination of both."

"All of that will be done. Fees will be taken from your new account. Here is your new vault keys. In most situations your rings would work as your Identification but we understand the need for secrecy so we will provide this key. We will send a post to the Dursleys in the morning to state that they have a paid trip to a destination of their choice all expenses paid but they must leave later that day with compulsion charms to grease the wheels as it were. Once they leave we will have our curse breakers come review the ward you want looked into and then add our own wards if we can. The trunks will be customized and stocked per your specifications. The solicitors will be on retainer first thing in the morning. We can schedule your physical for either tomorrow evening at earliest or whenever you find convenient." Daggertooth replied as he handed the bank card with enchanted wallet, vault key, business cards for the solicitors and enchanted gold sack to Harry.

"Perfect. Tomorrow evening sounds good if the Dursleys leave. If not then I will be in touch. By the way, if I were to find a basilisk and kill it. How would I be able to have it processed and sold?" Harry asked.

"If you were to find a basilisk we could process and sell it for you. For a percentage of both gold and usable parts, of course."

"Something to discuss later. Do you think I can get portkeyed into my backyard?"

"Certainly, it was a pleasure to meet you Mr Potter. I can see us having a long and prosperous relationship." Daggertooth stood and shook the child's hand. He then watched as the child was escorted to the departure room. One portkey later Harry was back into his cell under the stairs and laid in bed recounting his plans.

 _Ok so my financial stuff is taken care of. The D-bags are going on vacation and I will have my warding stuff taken care not to mention my trunk. They can't track magic if I'm not in "muggle London" I hope a subspace in a trunk solves this problem if not at least Hermione and I will get nice trunks. Now to get some shopping done and get these physicals. Gotta find out how bad this kid has been messed up and hopefully fix the damage. Now how to deal with the Dursleys? I could blackmail Vernon with copies of my physical results going to the child protective services. I could definitely ninja his car and have him die in an accident. Well I could kill this whole family but we'll leave that as the final option. I'll decide in the morning._

The next morning Harry woke up to the pounding of his cupboard door and his aunt Petunia bitching and complaining and telling him to go cook breakfast. _I can't wait to decide how to get rid of these assholes but if she keeps screeching like that I'm leaning towards tragic accident._ "Coming Aunt Petunia." he yelled back at the annoying giraffe humanoid. He got dressed and cleaned up and made breakfast. When he was done he was told to go get the post. He broke into a grin as he saw the letter he was expecting. He ran back inside and gave the mail to his uncle who complained for having to wait the 3 minutes it took Harry to get the mail. _Really fucker? I'd love to see you get anywhere in 3 minutes, this fat body talking shit! The nerve!_ "Looks like we got something from the National Lottery, Pet." At this point both Petunia and Dudley were reading over Vernon's shoulder as he opened up the mail and pulled out the letter. Harry watched as Vernon unfolded the letter and saw as their eyes went glassy out of focus for just a split second before they were all getting up and saying they should start packing for their 2 week cruise. _The goblins are worth every penny._ He just sat at the table forgotten as he ate the plate he fixed himself while they ran up stairs to pack or to call Grunnings saying the family was leaving the country in an emergency. By the time Harry ate his breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen they were already on the way without so much as a goodbye. He watched them drive the road and disappear. _Time to get cracking on this op._ Harry gave opened the window to let Hedwig. She ate the bacon he had left for her and attached the letter to Daggertooth to let him know that he could send his cursebreakers to come look at the house. As well to say that they could move up the physical if it would be more convenient than later that evening. An hour later he received a letter back saying the cursebreakers would be there within the hour and that the physical would be at noon. 45 minutes later Cursebreaker Bailey knocked at his door dressed like a muggle plumber. "Hello Harry, heard you had a problem with your pipes?" he said trying not to laugh. Harry smiled and said thanks for the passphrase, I know it's silly but CONSTANT VIGILANCE! he replied before breaking into a mischievous grin. Chad took 30 minutes and got back to Harry and by the look on his face Harry didn't think he would like the results. "Well Harry, here are the results there is definitely a ward on the house but it's in no way a protective one. It's just a combination alarm and intent ward. Basically if anyone with intent to harm you crossed the threshold the wards would just signal the receiver and that would be it. Now the bad news, there are quite a few monitoring and tracking wards on your school items, your clothing, glasses and owl and they are all tied to your magic. In blunt terms someone is tracking and monitoring you and is using you as the battery instead of a ward stone. The only way I know that could be done is through blood magic. Sorry, Harry. To be honest with you I'm quite surprised you aren't eating and sleeping all day the energy consumption would send most wizards to St. Mungos with magical exhaustion." at this point Harry was both chagrined and starting to get pissed off. The original Harry had an explosive hot temper and would have blown up everything around him in a rage but Jason Martinez was different he had a cold temper as in he would not blow up but let the rage boil underneath the surface and feed off it to see his missions through and that is what he did. "Well then, I shouldn't be surprised but I still am a bit. So is there a way I can transfer all the tracking and monitoring charms to something so I'm not tracked like an animal also maybe come up with alternate power source?" he asked. Chad smiled and verified that yes they can transfer the charms and wards and use a ward stone to tie them all up. Harry then had a brainstorm. "Chad is there a way I can make the ward stone for the tracking and monitoring charms something I can keep on me like a necklace or ring that if I didn't want to be tracked I could just leave behind?" Chad pondered and said there was a way but they would need some if his blood to not only tie the charms to, in this case necklace also to the ward stone that would replace him as the power source for the vaunted blood wards. Harry was more than happy to provide the blood. 45 minutes, a pint of blood, two blood replenishing potions, a snack and orange juice later, Harry now had a ward stone powering the so called powerful blood wards buried in the backyard and had a necklace with a shrunken ward stone that had all the tracking and monitoring charms found on his effects along with a notice me not and custom anti summon charm tacked on. When Chad finished it was 11 o'clock. He let Harry know that he would wait for Harry get ready and they could portkey to Gringotts for his physical. After leaving his necklace on a hook on the back of the cupboard door he and Chad portkeyed to Gringotts for hopefully the first step in getting his body back to cold steel and sex appeal.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: These characters are the property of J.K Rowling and WB. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Sorry for the hiatus but you know how military life is. This is gonna be another info dump, sorry. This is gonna be a long chapter because I'm trying to get everything set up for the rest of the story, so just stick with it.

"speech"

Thoughts

Chapter 3

They arrived in the portkey receiving room and Harry was led away by the goblin escort after a quick nod to Chad. Harry was taken through some winding corridors until he was led through a door to an open area in a circular room with doors along the walls as far as the eye could see. _This totally looks like that scene in Monsters Inc, except the doors don't come down_ , Harry thought to himself.

There he saw Daggertooth waiting by a golden lift. _Kinda looks like a cherry picker._ "Greetings Mr. Potter, I trust the services rendered so far have been satisfactory?" He asked. "Well beyond satisfactory, Daggertooth. Quite a few unwanted surprises but all were handled skillfully by your staff. I am very pleased. I have heard your culture values time so in keeping with your customs, when do we leave for our next order of business?" he replied. _Fuck, I hope that at least that part of the lore is correct otherwise I sounded like an asshole._

Daggertooth stared at the young man for a while before he gave a sharp toothed grin. "Indeed, Mr. Potter. We will take you to the physician/healer on retainer in America. We will be using a form of goblin transport known only by our nation and very few VIPs." _Now, why would the goblins allow me into this secret, they must want something._

They both got on the golden cherry picker and were transported to one of the doors up above when the picker stopped a few feet away from the door. The door opened, and a mechanical arm extend above the basket and attached itself to it and they went forward until it was secured on an overhead track. _A fucking ski lift/cherry picker trip to America from England through an underground chamber of doors with a real life goblin. My life is so fucking weird… who am I kidding, this is every nerd's dream!_

A short trip later and they arrived at what looked like a subway terminal. Daggertooth opened the basket and they both stepped out and went up a flight of stairs in silence. Harry was in awe and taking everything in and Daggertooth was watching Harry's reactions.

Harry may have been an 11 year old kid but Jason Martinez was a spec ops operator so it shouldn't be a surprise that Daggertooth had noticed that when the child entered a room he quickly checked for ambushes, or points of egress or how he angled his chair to better see the door and while he looked relaxed, was actually ready to spring into an attack at any moment.

Now most people(civilians), wouldn't have noticed the way the child's eyes searched for doors or how he subtly positioned himself to always have everyone in front of him or just outside of their striking range. Goblins being a warrior race had an eye for these types of things which caused both intrigue and a grudging respect for the little wizard. That he didn't do any of these things intentionally and seemed more ingrained reflex, that only TRAINED warriors possessed was both baffling and shocking to them.

To see those mannerisms and reactions from a child told of either horrible abuse or some kind of training, but humans found child soldiers distasteful so it was a mystery. Once they had made their way up the stairs and through a hallway they arrived at a door to a private infirmary.

There they met with another goblin and another wizard. Daggertooth and the other goblin had a quick conversation in goobledygook, and after a quick salute from the other goblin he left. Daggertooth then turned to both Harry and the other wizard. "Mr. Potter allow me to introduce Dr. Mayfield. She is both an accredited doctor and also a certified healer on retainer with The Nation."

Harry looked at the doctor and took her appearance in. She was between 5'6" - 5'10 with an athletic thicc build. Black hair pulled tight in a bun, cocoa skin, pretty smile. _She fine AF! So glad I haven't hit puberty yet or shit would get embarrassing real quick._ "Hello Harry, nice to meet you, I understand that we are here for a physical? The physical you will receive today is fairly standard here in America but considered quite unorthodox in England, so I will answer any and all questions or concerns." she said with a smile.

"Hello doctor, great to meet you as well. What exactly is considered unorthodox per se?" he asked. "Well the physical is a hybrid of both no-maj medicine and magic. For example I won't use hospital machinery due to how untrained wizards can not control their ambient magical output but we will use diagnostic spells for that.

We will give you potions for things where we can and no-maj medicine for others, basically we will treat you with whatever means are more effective for you, be it magical or not." _That seems_ _legit. What did she mean about magical output and how can you train yourself to limit it? I'll ask her at the end._

"Sounds good to me Doc. Let's get this over with." Dr. Mayfield smiled. Daggertooth had left somewhere in the middle of the explanation, so when Dr. Mayfield asked him to change into a hospital gown it wasn't awkward… much. _Don't pop wood. Don't pop wood._ She asked him to list all his concerns, he filled out the form and two hours and quite a few potions later Harry was dressed and Dr. Mayfield was back with the results and a scowl.

"Harry, the results are in, you have had at least four breaks on your right arm and two on your left. Your left wrist was broken at least once, cracked ribs and your skull has hairline fractures. Most of those have not healed properly. You may have some brain damage which may be why you stated you have problems staying focused or with your memory. You have scar tissue on 18% of your body. Your eyes are bad, like really bad, you are malnourished and have quite a few vitamin deficiencies.

Harry, I'll be honest with you, all your injuries would be common on a prisoner of war. _You have no idea._ How did you get all these injuries, sweetheart?" Harry looked at the doctor and could tell that she was barely keeping it together. She had unshed tears in her eyes and her hands were shaking. _Fuck, I knew the kid had it bad but damn. Those d-bags could give ISIS a run for their money in the asshole Olympics._ "

"Well my guardians, if you can call them that, thought they could beat the magic out of me. It didn't take obviously, so they tried harder. Before you ask, they will be dealt with, that's why I came for my physical." At this point the doctor had shed a few tears in both sadness and fury. She had not seen such abuse in all her life.

"So, how do we fix me, Doc?" he asked with a smile. She was roused from her thoughts and she looked at they boy in awe because even through all that he had gone through, his will hadn't broken and he kept living. (she had no idea of the irony of that thought)

"Well, you will have to have most of your bones vanished and regrown, you will have to have to take some nutrient potions for malnutrition. We have all of the inoculations that we have to catch you up on. We will have to give you a cocktail of wit sharpening, regeneration elixir, brain elixir, and memory potions to help heal the brain tissue and help with both memory and clarity of thought as well as help the tissue regenerate.

As far as those scars are concerned we can cut some of them off and you will also have to have scar removal paste treatments to remove the others. All in all, Mr. Potter you are looking at a week's stay in my care. That being said, as far as your eyes are concerned there are some options. We can get you glasses or contacts if you wanna go the no-maj route or we can grow some new eyes with some of your blood they would of course be perfect then put you under, remove your eyes and implant the new ones.

You can of course upgrade them as well but it's more expensive and mostly cosmetic but some MACUSA aurors have had theirs upgraded to see in the dark, or see heat signatures but they are mostly to help them at their jobs."

She looked at the kid with his mouth agape, she thought he was in shock at how much treatment he would have to endure, little did she know that he was agape for a different reason. _I can upgrade my eyes! I FUCKING LOVE MAGIC! OH MY FUCK! I CAN UPGRADE MYSELF! HOW DID I NOT THINK OF THAT BEFORE! I'm gonna be like Adam Jensen. Oh shit, I should say something._ "So... how soon can we start?" She looked for that brochure on eye implantation and then handed it to him and let him know they could start in a few hours if he wanted to. "May I speak with Daggertooth before I give you an answer? We have some more business to discuss before I can give you an answer." she smiled "Of course, I'll go get him and give you some time to discuss." she walked out and a few minutes later Daggertooth walked in and sat down across from Harry.

"Well Daggertooth, my body is completely fucked up. Here is what's wrong with me. Take a look." Daggertooth took the folder and started to read the more he read the angrier he became. How can anyone treat a child like this. Goblins maybe a warrior culture but they all knew that their children were their future and that they should be protected and cared for until they were warriors themselves. When he finished reading he cursed in his native tongue and stared at the child.

"Yeah, I had the same reaction," Harry chuckled. I didn't show you this for pity but for you to help advise me in the next part of my revenge. I understand your expertise is not for free so you can bill me for your time on this conversation," he stated with a smirk. _I know goblins are greedy and they will take advantage when they can so I better not make it easy. Shit, I hope that all the things I've done so far have been under nondisclosure! Fuck! should have remembered that. Wait, I can make that my compensation for the the whole embezzlement thing and it will cost me nothing._

Daggertooth saw the child smile after he specified to bill him for this conversation specifically, he could respect that. Goblin-like, indeed. "Very well, Mr. Potter how is it that I may help?" Harry took a moment to get his thoughts in order then replied, "First I would like to say that I have thought about my dealings with your nation and would like to alter something. I find that the junior account manager who stole from me and deceived the nation deserved his death and fines should come from him. Treachery is not to be taken lightly, what I wanted to do was make a trade of sorts, I understand his clan was shamed which also shames your nation, so, I would like to propose that to wash away the shame of said clan; I sign a document absolving the clan and nation from said shame in exchange, I would like that ALL my interactions with Gringotts thus far and in the future be kept strictly confidential."

Daggertooth gave a narrowed eye stare, "Are you saying that Gringotts is not able to keep secrets?" he asked annoyed that the child was questioning their honor. "You misunderstand, it is common knowledge that Gringotts keeps all FINANCIAL information confidential but that does not state anything about any other of your services. I am not questioning your ability to to keep secrets, its proven you can, since no wizard has ever heard of a goblin disclosing FINANCIAL information before but that does not mean that you HAVE to keep all my other interactions with Gringotts, such as how many times I've gone to the bank or using your connections with physicians and lawyers. I'm proposing this, as a way for both the nation and myself to keep the wizarding world blind to what is to come.

Believe me, Daggertooth the wizarding sheep may not know but there is a war going on and unfortunately, I'm the asshole stuck having to fight it. I plan on finishing the fight and riding off into the sunset. If it just so happens that my plans help The Nation out from time to time, well, what can you do about happy coincidences?" Daggertooth realized what the child was actually asking for, plausible deniability. If The Nation were to be questioned about all of his interactions, indeed there would be nothing wrong in releasing the information of who his lawyer is or who his healer on record is. So instead of taking the chance, he is asking for complete confidentiality and wiping away the shame of Grubknart's clan which as he stated is a shame on the nation. We would regain honor and get to piss off those wizards and he gets our silence. We would get the better of the deal at first glance, but he gets a tentative alliance for free. Sneaky child. "Mr. Potter, I will agree to your proposal and will draw up the contract. Your family's law firm on retainer was destroyed during the war but we have found you a new lawyer his name is Mr. Edward Tonks, he is a lawyer in both wizarding and muggle sides and is quite reliable."

 _Holy shit! that worked. That was a close one._ "Wonderful, before we head back I would like to go to the magical district here for a few things also if you could let Mr. Tonks know I would like to see him today to discuss some business I would greatly appreciate it. I was also wanting clarification on my family vault, I know I can not take money from it but can I withdraw items or at the very least have a goblin get me a list of the items in the vaults."

Daggertooth was grinning, _what a surprising and cunning child_ , he thought. "I can certainly contact him while you run your errands in the magical district here if you would like, I can have a portkey made available to him so that he may meet you in a conference room here. Of course the fees would be deducted from your account. As for the items, yes, you may withdraw certain items, gold and jewelry may not be taken out but books, weapons and other items may be withdrawn." he stated. Sweet! I can have my meeting with him here after I get a new wand, books and clothing since I'm gonna be here a week. Then go back to England and get rid of the d-bags and set my plans into action. "Perfect! If you could please send Dr. Mayfield in I would appreciate it."

Daggertooth gave a nod and left them room. A few minutes later Dr. Mayfield walked in and sat down. "So, what's the verdict, are we doing this? I highly recommend you get those treatments now before puberty starts or you will stunt your growth." Harry smiled, "yes doctor, we willl. I've gone through the brochure and would like my eyes to be upgraded with Wampus DNA. _I hope it's not wampus jizz. Better not think about it._ Before we start the procedures I still have to speak with my lawyer and run a few errands. So I would say in 3 hours, tops. I have a question for you though. Could you please explain magical output and also recommend a book on the subject?" She nodded happily because she would get to help heal the child. "Yes, I can. The easiest way I could explain it would be that magicals are like electric eels. Now, an eel can consciously release a shock but when at rest they have a constant field of electricity surrounding them.

Magicals are pretty much the same and if we can agree that magic is just another form of energy it's easy to explain how magicals can affect electronics. Our own energy field interacts with the electrical field. Like I said before we can train ourselves to reign in our errant energy or magic so that we are not subconsciously releasing such a big field. The best example would be first generational witches and wizards. They don't affect the electricals in their home until they have a bout of accidental magic, usually when in a highly emotional state such as anger, fear or joy another theory is that accidental magic is like the magical equivalent of growing pains of the magical core. The book I would recommend is **The Energy Between Us by J.D. Pettit.** He gets more in depth and gives a guide on how to reign in your errant energy. The training is actually occlumency. so a lot of master occlumens due to training both emotional output and by making their minds consciously control magical output which as a side effect made their magic more efficient."

Harry was totally amazed by that explanation. _Fuck me, it sounds like I need to get my occlumency up to snuff. I'm definitely gonna train that up this summer._ "Awesome, I'll have to see if the local bookstore has a copy. By the way, where is the magical district around here I need to do some shopping before the procedure." she smiled and told him to follow her into her office. He followed her and saw a floo. "You can use my floo. The district is called Salem's Lot. The floo here is Dr. Mayfield's office. As for the book you can have a copy of my book. He thanked her and grabbed a pinch a floo powder and threw it in the fireplace and called out Salem's Lot then took a step into the green flame.

He quickly found himself in a busy street after walking around he found the wand maker's shop. He walked in and after explaining to the owner that in England they only have a choice of 3 wand cores and that they are all prefabricated and that his wand was the closest they could get to something he could use so he had to settle so that was why we he was looking for a more comparable wand. The wandmaker was shocked and appalled at how limited they were in England and agreed to make Harry his custom wand. After going through the process of seeing which wood and core would be his match he walked out with a new ebony and wampus hair wand, three auror wand holsters and a business card. Since this wand is registered in the U.S only and not in the U.K I don't have to worry about that pesky underage law. Too bad my current wand from the U.K. probably has some special tracker cuz I'm the boy-who-lived.

He then walked over to the adventure and travel shop and bought a leather adventurer's backpack with feather light, expansion, and security charms and language lozenges for French, Latin, and Italian. _I also got the clerk to tell me of a certain potions shop that may be able to help him deal with the d-bags._

Next, he went to the clothing shop and got new underwear, socks Henley style long sleeve shirt and few sets of cargo pants, Jeans, work out wear, new running shoes, combat boots and pajamas. His last stop was the shady used book store where he got books on occlumency and legilimency, apparation, defence, 1001 household charms, and a book on goblin culture. He grabbed a quick bite and floo'd back to the office.

He arrived just in time to see Daggertooth walk in with Mr. Tonks. Dr. Mayfield had given permission to use her office while she went out for lunch. "Mr. Potter, this is Mr. Tonks. Mr. Tonks this Harry Potter." he introduced them. _Well here is phase one. I hope this doesn't come back and bite me in the ass._ "Hello, Mr. Tonks thank you for coming out of your way to meet me.These are strange circumstances. I asked you here today because I would like you to start up a case for me. I would like to start the case to accuse Albus Dumbledore of neglect and fraud. I understand I have a lordship to house Potter and that my magical guardian should have informed me of what that all entails. He has failed spectacularly as my magical guardian. I did not know I was magical until I got my Hogwarts letter. According to my account manager here, Albus Dumbledore has been blocking me from receiving important bank mail. He has blocked my parents will from being read. He placed me with abusive relatives who didn't want me and according to them I was left on their door step with a note. They didn't even get asked if they could take me in. He had a Potter family heirloom in his possession which I did not receive until last Christmas and to top it all off he has been accessing my trust account but the dates he withdrew said accounts is from before I even knew he existed. Understand, I want you to take your time with that case I want us to have enough evidence that either we nail him or cost him a great deal of political capitol.

The second case I would like is for any and all products that have my name attached to them be looked into since not once have I been approached about asking for permission to use my name and from my bank statements I've never been compensated.

Lastly, I would like you to formally reach out to someone in the Black family, it seems I'm the heir to their family so I would like to know what that would entail, not to mention I have no clue about proper etiquette or any knowledge of magical culture. This lack of knowledge is detrimental and I wish to fix it, asap."

Edward 'Ted' Tonks finished taking notes and was feeling a maelstrom of emotions. He was happy to meet Harry. Shocked, saddened and angry after learning how Dumbledore has taking care of his duty. Not to mention elated because he will be able to have Andi be a part of Harry's life as the heir Black. Which totally threw him off. He knew she loved him and their daughter but she missed being a Black and this was a way to get her back to the house of Black.

"I can certainly do that, Harry. Like you said the Dumbledore case will take time but I will keep you in the loop. The case with the people using your name and image will also take time since there are a lot of products but we can certainly have it done within 6-9 months. As for the Black family, I may actually be able to help you on this, you see my wife Andromeda is from the Black family, she was unfortunately kicked out of the family because she married a muggleborn. If you'd like, I can let her know you are interested in some private tuition for etiquette and wizarding culture."

 _Yes! It's all going smoothly. I just have to be careful about how I bring up my future knowledge so people don't get suspicious. Last thing I need is for some moron to get in my way because they realize I have future knowledge or think I'm not Harry Potter. The upside is that I can blame my personality change on the brain damage and can make Pomphrey and Dumbledore look like jackasses when I bring up they missed my brain damage._

"Sounds like a plan, I will be having some medical procedures this week so I will not be able to meet your wife until I get out of here but I would love to meet with her. If you could just make sure that no word of my meeting you or your family makes it back to Dumbledore. That is my only concern." Ted was appalled but quickly agreed. After signing some paperwork and having Ted quickly review the document from the goblins regarding non disclosure and signing that. Ted made a copy of his medical record and swore its contents would not be shared with anyone other than the people working on his case, and left.

Daggertooth left him and stated he would be back in a week. Dr. Mayfield came in and they talked about what a Wampus eye upgrade would be. Per the brochure he would have better night vision, kinetic vision as in his eyes would spot movement better and she joked around that Wampus eyes can make you better at legilimency as it's rumored to be able to hypnotize their prey but so far no patient had those last two abilities.

She drew some blood for the new eyes to grow from, then after he changed into his gown, got into the bed and was given a sip of draught of living death which would knock him out so he wouldn't feel any of the painful things he would be going through. He was dead to the world. Dr. Mayfield got started on healing the poor child.

~~~~~~5 days later~~~~~~

Harry woke up to a headache, sore body and blindness. Dr. Mayfield told him everything went great and that she would be taking off the bandage on his head so they could check out his new improved eyes, and his head but she would explain later. An hour later and Harry was staring into his reflection. Not much had change on his face. His eyes were the same vivid green orbs they had always been but his vision was ridiculous. He was still getting used to having such huge improvement to his kinetic vision. His lightning bolt scar was gone which was a welcome change.

The treatment was very successful and it was discovered that he had a tumor in the bone directly behind his lightning bolt scar that was saturated in dark magical residue. Which was quickly cut out. One of the parts of his brain that had been affected was actually the part that controlled his metamorphmagus abilities. Well, just his hair and face but that would explain overnight hair.

As far as his body was concerned his scars were gone. He was a bit taller now, but I guess that's what happens when you have most of your bones vanished and are fed nutrient potions, vitamin potions, skelegro and a lot of milk. He was still skinny but he didn't look like a walking skeleton anymore. He was in his pajamas now since he would not be released for a couple of days since Dr. Mayfield wanted him to take his nutritional potion regimen and had him eat a high calorie diet so that the nutritional potions are that much more effective.

Harry spent his time eating a language lozenge and reading his books. Old Harry would not be able to sit there and read but, new brain damage and horcrux free Harry was picking things up quickly and had great memory which only helped him fly through his occlumency training. So he read his books and ate and planned his revenge on the d-bags.

Two days later Harry looked like a healthy kid. He was a little taller than the average 12 year old and he now had gotten some mass to him. He was by no means huge but definitely taller and more muscular. On his final night in America, after his nightly round of potions he laid in bed and contemplated his next steps.

He was still undecided on what to do with the Dursleys. _On the one hand, I could kill them all but then I would have to deal with Mrs. Figg, and Marge. I could slip that draught of the living death potion into their tea and just stow them somewhere but Vernon's job would be calling and the neighbors would get suspicious if they never saw the Dursleys. I mean I could just leave, the wards are now tied to the wardstone. That's it! I need people to think I'm same old Harry and plus if death eaters ever find out my address which shouldn't be hard if you think about it. I mean my address is listed in the department of underage magic since they have to have muggleborn and muggle raised students address on file and I doubt that department is secured. Anyways, I'll get a regular tent and set it up near number 4 then cast a fidelius charm on it so know one can find it and I'll see who comes by and I'll be at a great position for when I finally deal with the Dursleys and I won't tip my hand to Dumbledore and if the Dursleys are discovered I have front row seats to their death! That is what I will do._ After a few more minutes of planning he fell asleep.

The following morning had Harry take his morning potion cocktail and a huge American breakfast consisting of chicken fried steak, hash browns, scrambled eggs, pepper gravy, blueberry pancakes and coffee. _I'm gonna miss you chicken fried steak!_ He then packed up his stuff got his final check up from Dr. Mayfield and was told he was good to go and given his potions pouch since wizarding world didn't have a Walgreen's.

As he waited for Daggertooth, Harry meditated and organized his mind and emotions. Harry had discovered that he was actually pretty good at occlumency but then he realized that it wasn't that surprising since he did battle douche lord in his mind and he treated his mindscape like the matrix. Which led to some very awesome and interesting mental barriers. _Having all these video game, comic book and movie monsters and computers in his defenses would definitely throw any wizard off just because they had no clue as to most references. Once again, being a nerd FTW!_

One of the greatest benefits of occlumency was a pseudo eidetic memory and his emotions could be greatly suppressed. When he had them suppressed to the maximum he acted like the T-1000 from T2. Once he had organized his mind he went back to reading his book on magical output.

He felt that now, that he had a good handle on occlumency he could see if he could integrate magical output training. A short paragraph later Daggertooth walked in and made their way back to London.

~~~~~LONDON~~~~~

Harry checked his account balance and realized that even with all his recent expenditures he still had 67,000 galleons available. He then asked to have to have Cursebreaker Bailey come to his house and do some more warding in a few hours. Daggertooth advised that Chad would be there.

He then handed Harry two necklaces which instead of pendants had tiny shrunken trunks. Harry was excited. He unshrunk the one with the letter P on the lid and set up his security measures after he read the parchment with the instructions. The shrunk it back up and put it around his neck and willed the necklace to disappear just like his rings.

He then put the other necklace in his backpack and thanked Daggertooth and walked out. _I wonder when Daggertooth will ask me for whatever the nation wants for letting me use their mode of transpo to America. Just gonna wait for the other shoe to drop, I guess._

Harry walked out of Gringotts into the alley and he stood there in awe for a while. It was one thing to read about it or watch the movies and even Original Harry's memories were nothing compared to seeing Diagon Alley for yourself in person. It truly made you feel like magic was a wonderful thing and that anything was possible. No story or movie could possibly capture how wondrous this little busy shopping district really was.

He put on his New England Patriots cap on and made his way to Wiseacre's Wizarding Equipment to get his tent. After speaking with the sales clerk and some haggling, Harry came out of the shop with a brand new tent it was a 2 bedroom, 2 bath tent. He then left the alley and got a cab to the grocery store closest to number 4 Privet Dr.

He placed an order for enough groceries that would last him a month. They stated that they would make the delivery in a few hours and he paid for the purchases. He then walked to park near number 4 and slipped into the cloak and made his way back to to the house unseen. Once he was back he had to deal with a very irritated Hedwig and after some major groveling and after cooking a whole package of bacon she was mollified. Not much later the doorbell rang and the grocery store delivery boy and Chad dressed up as a utilities worker were standing by the door. He let them both in the delivery boy leaving the bags by the door and took his tip and left.

Once Harry and Chad were alone Harry discussed his idea of putting his tent in the backyard of number 4 and if he could have the area surrounding his tent warded with muggle notice me not, silence and a fidelius wards. Chad said that would be possible and he would be able to do it but that he would need to put a wardstone somewhere. After some discussion Harry had set up his tent at the far corner of the yard. Chad had left and stated that because of his contract that he would not be able to disclose that Harry had this little tent warded. He then left.

Harry then ran back into the house and transported his belongings into his new apartment tent. He then unpacked the notes that he bought off of the ravenclaw seventh year, and got to studying. He had to practice if he was gonna take care of this douche lord for good.

He got to work. The following week consisted of a simple routine of taking his potions, eating big meals, some simple exercises to get in better shape, going over his first year notes, studying the ravenclaw's notes and the book of spells, brewing the draught of Beffudlement for the d-bags and trying to obtain some malaclaw poison just in case. (always have a plan b) and practicing hand to hand in his trunk.

The week was finally up, he was in the house boiling some water for tea. The d-bags yelled at him for the house being so messy. _I haven't even been in the house for more than a few hours so there is no way it's messy! I just need to stay cool a little bit longer then I won't have to see them for awhile._ After they finished their rant the teapot hissed and they said they would take their tea while they decided on his punishment.

They took their tea and Dudley whined about not having his favorite biscuits then the potion took effect, they all stopped their conversations and had glassy eyed looks. At that point Harry pounced. "So as I was saying, since you want me here as little as possible, I'll go to that camp. So if anyone asks just say you sent me to military boot camp for troubled youths for the summer" they nodded along until he finished speaking drinking their tea while he explained. At the end they sat there looking at him and then slowly nodded back into consciousness.

Then Vernon yelled at him "You listen here boy, you will go to that camp and maybe they can beat the freakishness out of you. You will go and you will like it, do you hear me!" _I can't believe that worked! Now just to take care of Dobby and I can get to training. Oh shit, better look meek._ "Yes, uncle Vernon." Harry then grabbed his backpack and walked out to the nearby park and slipped into his invisibility cloak and made his way back to his tent.

Just outside his wards he called out to kreacher to see if he would answer his call. He waited and then he heard a pop. He saw Kreacher looking around then Harry slid the cloak off his body. "Hello Kreacher. I see you were able to answer my call. My name is Harry Potter, how are you?" Kreacher's bug eyes bulged even further. "How can filthy half blood call upon Kreacher?!"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: These characters are the property of J.K Rowling and WB. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Sorry for the formatting errors on that last chapter and for the delays with work, real life and my laptop breaking down and losing the 3 other chapters I was editing its been rough. I had a hell of a time trying to fix it and it showed up as a new post so I apologize if you thought a new chapter had been put out when it had just been a repost of chapter 3. I'm still figuring this thing out and rewriting. Again, it's kind of an info dump chapter so I apologize, just trying to get my ducks in a row before Harry goes back to the deathtrap known as Hogwarts. Now to my main point, Thanks for all the follows and reviews. This is my first ever story so it's gonna be a charlie foxtrot but I'll give it my best. Thanks for the support now on to the story.

"speech"

Thoughts

Parseltongue

Chapter 4

"Hello Kreacher. I see you were able to answer my call. My name is Harry Potter, how are you?" Kreacher's bug eyes bulged even further. "How can filthy half-blood call upon Kreacher?!" Time to bullshit my way into getting a minion. Bwahahaha… This world is totally bringing out my worst nerdy attributes.

"Well that's a long story, why don't we go into my tent and I will tell you my story and how I plan to help you fulfill the last task that Regulus left you."

The elf's face was a portrait of emotions. He went from angry to suspicious to bug eyed shock and back to suspicious. That is one ugly mug.

"Kreacher does not trust filthy half blood but Kreacher want to know how filthy half-blood know about great master Regulus. Kreacher will listen to filthy half-blood but Kreacher be watching youse." His speech is so fucking annoying! Well, we're gonna find out if this comes back and bites me in the ass or not.

"I completely understand, before we go in you have to know that FOB Durzkaban is in the backyard of #4 privet drive." Harry watched Kreacher go bug eyed again as he was then able to see the tent and followed behind Harry cautiously.

Once inside the small living room, Harry explained to Kreacher how the goblins had told him he was the heir of Black and showed him the heir ring. Kreacher wasn't buying it completely but didn't attack or leave because he wanted to know how Harry could help fulfill his beloved master's last order.

"Filthy half-blood may be Heir Black but how can filthy half-blood help Kreacher when Kreacher can not do what Master Regulus tell hims to do?"

"That's an excellent question, I have two plans for that. The item in question is very heavily magically warded, right? So my first plan is to try melting it non magically. If the locket is protected by magic then maybe if we try destroying it without any magic it will not trip the safeguards. If that doesn't work, I know a way to magically destroy it but the three reasons we won't go that route first are, A. I'm a kid so using magic would cause the Ministry to get involved and you and I both know that they don't exactly like our family and would use that as a reason to go after the Black fortune and would besmirch the Black family honor. That sounded so pompous. I mean, I could with my untraceable wand but no need to go that route just yet. B. One of the items we would need is very rare and highly regulated. So it would be very expensive to obtain if we can even find it at all. C. I can obtain the necessary items but they are located in Hogwarts and it will be very dangerous. So, lets try the easier option first because we can do that in a few days cheaply, if that doesn't work we can wait until I go to Hogwarts and obtain the items and go from there. So what do you think?" I hope I didn't lay it on too thick or I'm blown. This is such a huge gamble. Fuck it, fortune favors the bold right?... I hope so, anyways.

Kreacher gave Harry a long blink but finally came to the decision that there was still hope in fulfilling his duty to his master. "Kreacher must take filthy half-blood to see Mistress she will know whats to do." So he quickly grabbed Harry's arm and popped them to 12 Grimmauld.

Harry fell on his ass when he landed in a darkened hallway. What the fuck!? My tailbone! I definitely laid it on too thick. Well, in for a penny and all that.

Kreacher stared at Harry while he picked himself up and dusted himself off. He stood up and glared at Kreacher. "Youse not be lying about being heir to Black family otherwise youse be dead."

Before Harry could rip into Kreacher for kidnapping him he saw his heir ring glow and felt something click into place in his mind and as the glow faded he asked, "What was that? Why did my ring glow?"

"That bees wards recognizing heir Black into Black home. Come, mistress bees wanting to talk to youse." Kreacher waddled down the hall to the portrait by the staircase. He turned to the portrait and said, "Mistress, Kreacher back, he bees called by heir Black and kreacher bees needing mistress wisdom for he is a tricksy talker." He just sounded like Gollum. Tee hee.

Harry walked up behind Kreacher and laid his eyes in the portrait of an unattractive older woman glaring down at him. Bwahaha! she looks like Rogers' dependa! Except for the pale skin she would have totally passed for the hag in the old Looney tunes cartoons.

"So, you are the new heir Black, you are not a child of my Regulus and you dont look like the spawn of the mongrel Sirius. You look like one of the blood traitors, the Potters but before I passed on, James and his mudblood wife had been killed, so who are you, boy?"

Harry stood at parade rest and stared into her eyes and replied, "My name is Hawthorne Potter and I am the heir Black."

"You can not be the heir Black you are not a Black!" She screeched.

"According to Gringotts, I was named heir by the current head of the Black family, Sirius Black, when he became my godfather, ma'am. I believe I am also a Black by blood through my Grandmother."

Her eyes narrowed into slits and her nostrils flared, "The mongrel can not be Lord Black he was cast out! I burned him off the family tapestry myself! He dares make a filthy half-blood Potter the heir to this noble house!" She ranted. Ok, time to gamble on some more bullshit cuz at this point I may as well go for broke.

As she was huffing and puffing after the rant, Harry replied in a neutral yet dangerous tone, "Ma'am, there are many things wrong with your last statement let me inform you of a few overlooked facts. First, you may have cast Sirius out of your home and burned him off the tapestry but you did not have headship or lordship of house Black so he was not actually cast out and the lord never changed his heir. So when the lord passed, Sirius became head of house Black. He obviously can't claim the lordship ring since he was thrown in azkaban.

"Anyways, I would think you would be happy since you now know that not all of your house is dead or in jail. That doesn't matter though, because I came here to present a proposition"

At this point Walburga and Kreacher were shocked. Eventually Walburga relented and asked what the proposition was.

"I called Kreacher to offer him a chance to not only fulfill his beloved masters last request but for vengeance as well."

She was agape at the statement and Kreacher was silently crying after hearing those words. "What do you mean by that?"

Harry then went on to explain that he knew the truth about Regulus and how he learned that Asshole aka Voldemort was actually a half-blood named Tom Riddle that had tricked the purebloods into killing each other so that he could be rid of all the old families and could rule all of magical Britain unopposed. Regulus later learned that he was making objects of power and enslavement and that he switched sides and Voldemort killed him for it thus betraying house Black. Harry then went into his plans on destroying the items not mentioning that they were horcruxes.

After that revelation Walburga and Kreacher were both in tears due to their shared grief, loss and anger at how they were tricked into backing the murderer of their beloved Regulus. Walburga looked into Harry's eyes and spoke "I see you have thought this through but what is it you get out off doing this, child?"

Harry let the childish mask slip and the hardened soldier took its place as he leaned forward. "I want loyalty. I find myself in a war and very few allies. I need someone I can trust at my back while I annihilate my enemies. The British wizards have forgotten that the Potters and Blacks are no one's pawns and that although our families may be beaten, we are still not out of the fight just yet. What does not kill us will make us all the stronger for it, we will not give up or give in and will not rest until all our enemies are destroyed. So what is your decision?" I just impressed myself, that was some next level bullshit. Yet again being a nerd pays off. Nothing like pulling shit from fanfics, video games and movies.

Walburga and Kreacher were taken aback when Harry made his impassioned speech they started to envision their family rise from the ashes and make its enemies pay. The one thing the Blacks knew and respected above almost all attributes was the need and willingness for vengeance. Kreacher had not realized he had stopped breathing until he heard his own gasp. Walburga had tears running down her cheeks. Harry watched as her eyes hardened and she turned her gaze to Kreacher and stated "Kreacher! You will be loyal to the young master." Kreacher bowed his head and simply stated, "Yes, mistress." That actually worked?! Definitely felt my butthole pucker for a minute there. Out here winning hearts and minds, bitches!

Walburga looked at Harry and asked him what the items he was referring to were. Harry thought about it for a minute then decided that he was already going for broke so he told them he needed basilisk venom and a goblin forged blade as that was the sure fire way to destroy the item. He told them he knew that there was a basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets and that he would most likely have to go there and kill the basilisk for the venom since there wasn't any other way to obtain it or the sword of gryffindor but that would require a lot of time and planning.

Walburga then said something that made Harry facepalm so hard that it left a huge red handprint on his forehead.

"If you need basilisk venom and a goblin forged blade then why don't you have Kreacher get the last of the Black family stores of basilisk venom and goblin forged blades from the potions stores and armory in the basement?" What!? Why didn't I think of that? I mean logically the Black family is an old dark family so of course they would have dangerous poisons and weapons stocked somewhere. I swear this magic is affecting my logical thinking. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Keep It Simple Stupid!

After a very hard facepalm Harry asked Kreacher to go retrieve those items. Kreacher came back with a dusty bottle and an array of goblin forged blades ranging from stilettos to a roman gladius. Harry asked Kreacher for a bowl and some dragonhide gloves. While Kreacher went to fetch the bowl he picked out a Fairburn Sykes dagger, a ka-bar lookin knife and the gladius he then set the rest aside and got the bowl from Kreacher and poured the venom into the bowl and dipped the knives in and watched. The blades on the knives changed from a dull grey to black blades as they absorbed the venom. That didn't happen in the movie. Whatever. He then poured some of the venom on the sword. When that was all done he asked Kreacher to bring the locket. Harry examined it and it set off his danger senses. Fuckin eerie.

Harry then put the locket on the ground and smashed it with the sword. What happened next was more dramatic than what he thought it would be. At first nothing happened which made Harry frown and was about to turn around when a black smoke rose up and boiled until it shrunk in on itself then exploded out with an unearthly scream. Harry and Kreacher were blasted on to the walls which knocked both into unconsciousness.

Harry woke to the dulcet sounds of Walburga Black screaming his name. Ouchies! How much did I drink last night? It hurts to think and whoever this Harry is, he better get his girl. To say Harry was disoriented would be a major understatement. He forgot he had woken in a fictional world for a few minutes. He slowly gained his senses and realized his surroundings and it all came back to him as he finally sat up against the wall.

"Ma'am, I'm fine. That last hit just knocked me silly for a few minutes. Are you alright? How's Kreacher?"

Walburga was relieved to see the child sit up and talk. She did not want to see the last hope of house Black die before her eyes. "Are you sure you are alright? You and Kreacher were thrown around like gnomes once that vile locket was destroyed. Kreacher is still incapacitated but his chest is still rising so he is alive."

Harry had made his way to Kreacher and checked his vitals and made sure he hadn't been hurt worse than it seemed. After a half hour of just sitting and coming to accept that he had made it through fairly unscathed from the bullshit that was a horcrux, Kreacher woke up and after he got his shit together he jump tackled Harry and sobbed in the kids arms in gratitude for finally accomplishing his master's final task.

"Kreacher will be forever loyal to young master Black." He said in between sobs. Eeew! I got house elf snot on my shirt! Fucking gross! Harry patted him on the back and told him everything would be alright and asked him if he could pop him back to his tent since it had been a very tiring day. Kreacher said he would. Harry gathered his dagger and ka-bar and popped back to his living room.

"Anything else youse need young master?" Kreacher asked with a fanatical gleam in his eyes. Harry looked at him and asked a lot of questions he had been curious about ever since he first read the books. "Do I need to bind you to myself or are you bound to the Black family only? Do you always make that popping noise when you appear or can you do it silently? Also, do house elves have away to make themselves invisible or was that just a rumor?" Kreacher quickly stated that he could pop silently and that house elves could indeed become invisible. Makes sense, no one wants to see the help around the house. He stated that he didn't need to bind himself to Harry because he used the residual magic from Grimmauld for his needs. Oh you ugly little bastard, you have just become my best asset.

"What would it mean for you to be bound, Kreacher?" Kreacher went on to explain if he bound himself to Harry some of his magic would help sustain him and would make him and his magic stronger. He would be his personal elf, the only one who could order him to do anything. Harry quickly asked him if he wanted to be his personal elf and bind himself to Harry. Kreacher started to tear up again and nodded like an ugly bobblehead. "So, how do we do this?" Kreacher took Harry's hand and he closed his eyes until there was a glow between the two. Harry had to cover his eye with his other hand to prevent from being blinded. When the glow died down Harry felt even more tired and Kreacher looked healthier and looked more muscular. He looks like he could do some damage… still ugly as sin though.

Kreacher looked at himself and smiled. Wow, he looks more grotesque when he smiles. "Young master is powerful wizard, Kreacher now stronger. What can kreacher doos for you young master?" Harry let go of his hand and sat down. "Kreacher you will keep all of our activities secret. You will tell no one other than Walburga. You will clean and restore Grimmauld to its former glory and any cursed items in the house will be placed in a secure part of the armory where only you or I will have access. From now on when I call you, you will pop in silently and invisibly. I want you to pop to me ready for battle every time. Also, I want you to look at some of the clothes I bought and I want you to make at least two sets of uniforms. One for when we go on operations and one for everyday use. For ops I recommend the cargo pants and long sleeves and for everyday wear I suggest something formal that befits the heir of house Black. You may put the Black crest on the every day uniform but no markings whatsoever on our operations uniform. Now, I will go rest and you go home and get started. Remember, only myself and Walburga are to know of our plans no one else including the other Black family members and lock Grimmauld down so only you or I will be able to enter. Oh, one last thing, the portrait of Phineus Black must be put in a closet where he wont be able to see or hear anything in the house. We will deal with him at a later date. I will call you when I need you." Kreacher nodded and popped out. Harry sighed, made himself some dinner, showered and passed out.

The following day Harry woke up refreshed although he had been a little sore from getting pinballed at Grimmauld. He started his new workout regimen. He went to his trunk selected his gym compartment, walked down and started his work out. 2 hours later Harry was in his library compartment thinking of his next step. He wanted to have a special forearm holster for the dagger made into an assassins creed type gauntlet and was trying to figure out how he could possibly get a gun since he was not going to depend on just his magic to make it through the gauntlet that is Hogwarts. He figured he would ask Walburga if she had any ideas.

He then had to go to the local library and find out where Little Hangleton is so he could look up where the riddles and Gaunts lived so he could take out another horcrux. Two down and he still had to get the ring, the cup, the diary and the diadem and maybe the snake if Asshole had made it yet. He didn't think the snake had been made one yet but he lived by the old adage of hope for the best and plan for the worst.

His plans made, he slipped on some clothes he bought and realized that other than his gym clothes and underwear none of it fit. Of course! I bought the clothes before the hospital stay. What a bonehead move. Harry put on some gym shorts a t-shirt, sneakers and backpack, over that he put his invisibility cloak and made his way to the library to get info on Little Hangleton and find a clothing store.

At half past 1 Harry had returned from clothes shopping and information gathering. He made himself some lunch and opened his newest and most important purchases his Walkman, batteries and some cassettes. He put the batteries in and popped in Beastie Boys Check Your Head. For the first time since he woke up in the infirmary, he genuinely smiled.

For the rest of the month he was either working out, training his hand to hand, studying and practicing spells in his trunk or scheming. Watching from her perch, Hedwig was the happiest she had ever been because her owlet was free from the abuse of those nasty humans and she could come and go as she pleased.

Harry had made it to Diagon Alley a few times now that he had practiced occlumency, his control over his limited metamorphmagus abilities was passable. He went disguised as a brunette with brown eyes and a totally forgettable face. It's just like when you start a new character in a Bethesda game, totally generic kid who lost his sweet roll. Lol.

During his explorations he had found the owl post office and set up a post box so that mail from Hermione and Neville would be forwarded there and had Kreacher check his mailbox daily. Harry had written his friends and told them he would be busy with his family and that he would contact them for a time to meet up to get their school supplies.

Harry had spoken with Walburga and she told him of the shops in Knockturn that were "discrete". He found a shop which did custom holsters in Knockturn and had ordered holsters to be made for his dagger and knife. He was very satisfied with the work since they had been enchanted with notice me not, auto sizing and anti summoning runes. The clerk had been very helpful in suggesting the more obscure and powerful runes since that way even if someone had enchanted optics they would still not be able to see them and he had paid extra for the runes that blood bound them so no one but him would be able to take them off. I finally got my assassin's gauntlet! I really shouldn't be this jazzed about it but damn it, if I can't enjoy the little things in this hellhole, I would go insane… well more insane than usual.

The clerk was happy for all the gold he had made and had happily offered to do any questionable custom enchanting in the future and pointed him towards his cousin who ran an apothecary when asked where one could obtain some malaclaw venom. Harry introduced Kreacher as his elf since he would be his new point of contact. Harry had made his way to apothecary and stated he was there on behalf of his "master" and asked if he could get malaclaw venom with a quick dispersal rate. The apothecary owner said he had such a poison and started on some b.s. that it was highly regulated and that he didn't want to be implicated in a crime. Greedy fucker wants more money. After some back and forth and some discussion on the fact that if the potion worked as he said it would then he needn't worry about being implicated. The owner reluctantly agreed after he became a few hundred galleons richer. Now, I can get rid of the Dursleys as soon as Sirius is freed and if I absolutely have to, I can use it on Sirius if he is Dumbledore's man. I really hope I can guilt him into an unbreakable vow otherwise Commissioner Gordon aint gonna make it.

Harry went back to his routine of working out, studying, magical training and occlumency training. By mid July, he felt confident enough with his occlumency that he could at least provide his mundane memories as a buffer to his occlumency walls which were the walls that enclosed Jurassic Park. Predators and a battalion of spec ops soldiers were his first line of defense. If someone got past his fortifications he had the creepy albino twins from the matrix and xenomorphs and velociraptor packs as his roving guards. Lastly he had Neo, Trinity, a xenomorph queen, Mace Windu and Morpheus as his final line of defense at the Jurassic Park headquarters. He had his past life memories password locked on the Nedry computer. His skills and languages, and magical knowledge on the matrix chair in the control room so he could just go sit down and have Tank load up the proper information if he ever needed to download something to the forefront of his brain.

Harry highly doubted that any 12 year old would be able to accomplish all this but then again he was a 34 year old nerd in a 12 year old body. Phrasing! He wasn't surprised his mind palace was so developed. He had read the book Dr. Mayfield provided and was able to control his magical output with the circuit breakers in the control room so his magic became much more efficient which in turn made his magic that much stronger. No Naruto problems here.

After his morning routine, Kreacher arrived with mail from Ted Tonks requesting a meeting at his office the following day where they could go over his lawsuits and and he could meet Andromeda. He penned a quick reply and after coaxing Hedwig to calm down as to why he didn't have her retrieve his mail instead of Kreacher. After being bribed with a full package of bacon, she calmed down and was happily on her way to deliver Harry's reply. I may not have girl problems but I definitely have owl problems, Hov.

The following day around noon Harry donned his backpack, weapons and cloak and had Kreacher pop him near Ted's office. He had Kreacher scope out the building and when he saw that the coast was clear, he put his cloak away and went into the building. He made his way to the receptionist and she let him through to the office. Ted greeted him and introduced him to his wife. Oh my fuck! Andi looks like Catherine Zeta Jones! Spank bank material fo sho!

After an awkward moment of silence and bug eyed staring from the boy. He coughed and got it together. "I apologize for my wool gathering, you reminded me of someone." He took her hand and brushed his lips on her knuckles. "I'm supposed to kiss your hand right? I still haven't learned much about magical etiquette so I apologize if I offend you, it's not my intent."

Ted looked on trying to hide a smirk, he was used to men ogling his wife. In the magical world it was due to the resemblance to Bellatrix but in the non magical it was simply because she is a beautiful woman. Andromeda smirked and stated. "My, you are a charmer, if I were your age I would be quite smitten." She let out a quiet laugh. "You are correct in kissing the hand of a witch when first introduced. I see why you asked for tuition on etiquette, Mr. Potter. We will have to work on that. "

"You may just call me Harry, ma'am. I have come to understand that some women do not like to be addressed as ma'am since it 'ages' them but I was raised to always address ladies as ma'am, again I mean no offense." Jesus! What are you? 12? Stop babbling! She gave him a long stare. Harry was now starting to sweat. Fucking proper noble etiquette and smoking hot Milfs. "You may just call me Andi." She stated with a smile.

After the trainwreck that was the introductions, Ted went over the case so far. He stated that was actually going well he had found the publisher for all those Harry Potter books and and was going to find out who the author is and would then be able to go after them. "Harry, most of the companies who have used your name or likeness have already been taken into account and given a cease and desist order. We will sue them all once we find this author since they have made the most money off of you. We will hopefully get this done while you're at Hogwarts so you won't have to deal with the public. You will have to deal with all the kids though."

"Yeah I figured, now I have something to tell you but I will need a vow because this is Black family business and the future of the Black family depends on your discretion." Andromeda and Ted just stared at the boy and after a quick glance at each other they came to a silent agreement. "What would the wording of the vow be exactly?" Ted asked. "Well, that you would not discuss my secrets with anyone unless I give my permission." I don't know man, you're the lawyer. Ted and Andi started to go over the wording of the vow and after some discussion The three finally agreed on the wording and the Tonks gave their vows. "So what is so important that we had to give this vow?" asked an annoyed Andi.

"Well, this is what I know about Sirius Black…" Harry went on to explain that he "remembered" his uncle Padfoot and the night he got his scar and how supposedly Sirius was his Godfather and he remembered Sirius handing him over to Hagrid so he could hunt down Peter for some reason and that his own private sleuthing had discovered that there was no record of any trial for Sirius and that it was very interesting since even Belatrix got a trial and he was the heir Black at the time of his incarceration. What was another strange anomaly was that Dumbledore as the Chief warlock had not caught that. Harry explained that if an enemy combatant was high up on the totem pole, why not pump them for information such as the identities of other members, information of funding for the organization or at the very least for information on the locations of victims to give the remaining families bodies to bury. It just didn't make sense.

Andi gasped at the new information and Ted said he would look into it because if it was true that would mean that an innocent man had been in Azkaban for over a decade and that some of the higher echelons of the government might have been compromised. They would have to inquire discreetly.

All in all it was a productive meeting and Harry had scheduled some etiquette lessons with Andi as long as no one found out including her daughter. They were confused why he stipulated that but he said he didn't want the ministry or Dumbledore to find out he was correcting his deficiencies. Ted and Andi had reluctantly agreed, he also found out she was a retired healer. He contracted her as his personal healer so that from then on he wouldn't have to portkey all the way to America for check ups.

A week before his birthday Harry got a letter from Neville asking if he wanted to come over for his birthday. Harry figured he could help the kind chubby kid out so he said he would meet him at the Leaky Cauldron on the morning of the 30th. Harry wasn't really interested in the friendships of children because that was just creepy but he could mentor them to be better human beings and they would hopefully become more independent so they wouldn't rely on him as much in the future and he could get the hell out of dodge when he dealt with Asshole. Harry got him a bunch of books on mundane plants and botany along with two Bonsai trees, a book on self defense, and a book on the art of Bonsai. The kid needs to learn how to handle himself and needs positive encouragement for his passions.

The night before he left, Harry decided to deal with Dobby. He didn't need the aggravation of having a record through no fault of his own. He and Kreacher had come up with the plan of calling for Dobby while Kreacher was hidden. He would try to reason with him if not then Kreacher would prevent Dobby from doing anything to implicate Harry and get his mail back.

Harry called Dobby and he appeared in the backyard. Dobby's already bug eyes popped out further when he realized who had called him. Vibrating in place he finally burst, "the great Harry Potter knows Dobby?!" He looks like a puppy mainlined some Rip Its. I can't believe I have to deal with this bullshit. "Yes, Dobby, I know of you and I know what the Malfoys are planning." Dobby had stilled and if weren't for the fact that he was blinking Harry thought he might have had a heart attack. "Great Harry Potter knows?! How?!" He screeched. Harry winced from the little elf's outburst. "First of all, keep it down will ya. Secondly, how could I be the Great Harry Potter if I weren't powerful? I have my ways of finding out who will try and hurt me. Since I already know, you don't have to worry because I'm obviously powerful enough to deal with the Malfoys plot. That means you can stop stealing my mail and as a sign of good faith I can tell you of a way to free yourself from your abusive master."

Dobby fidgeted as he realized he had been busted then started to slam his head on the ground as he sobbed. Dobby muttered he had to punish himself. Harry jumped and stopped him from doing further brain damage. This ugly little bugger has enough brain damage as it is. "That's enough of that now. You don't need to punish yourself because you haven't done anything bad. Just return my mail and let me deal with the dark plot against me. I have a plan and need things to play out a bit before I can strike, ok." Dobby sobbed into Harry's chest. God damn it! House elf snot on my shirt again!

After Dobby had calmed down he handed over the letters and apologized. "The Great Harry Potter is too kind to Dobby. Dobby is a bad elf." Dobby's eyes started to well up again. Oh hell no! Not another round of elf snot! "Dobby would you like to know how to free yourself?" Dobby was nodding so hard that Harry was pretty sure his flopping ears were close to breaking the sound barrier. "It's quite simple actually, you just need to be silent and invisible when Lucius is changing, or if he is about to have sex. You stay hidden and when he starts throwing his clothes about, you just need to position yourself so you can catch the clothes." Dobby was once again bug eyed and mouth agape. "Youse is the smartest wizard alive," he whispered in awe.

"Yeah, sure." Harry replied while rolling his eyes. "Look, I got this figured out so you don't need to protect me. Whenever you get freed, if you want employment you can always try Hogwarts but if you want to bind yourself to a new family, the Potter family would be happy to have an elf like you." I immediately regret that decision. Dobby looked like had just jizzed his pants. Aaaahh! Brain bleach! "Y-youse would want Dobby?" He asked with a crazed twinkle in his eyes. Dear God, what have I done?... I painted myself into a corner on this one. Harry sweat dropped, "Y-yeah sure, little buddy. You should make your way back to Malfoy so you can get started on getting your freedom" Dobby started nodding at mach 2 again and popped away.

Kreacher became visible and stared at the spot Dobby had just vacated and then looked at Harry. "There be something wrongs with that elf, young master." Harry had to agree with the old elf. "Yeah, I have a feeling that's gonna come back and bite me in the ass."

He went over the letters Dobby had pilfered and replied to Ron's letters. This Ron kid must have ADHD, his thoughts are all over the place and he just whines about everything. He asked me to come stay with them like every other line. Sweet Yeezus, he is clingy. I feel sorry for Hermione. He made up an excuse about being busy with his relatives and that he would meet up with him in Diagon alley to pick up school supplies and would be able to stay with him until School started again. The following morning,Harry loaded all the presents into his backpack, donned his cap and had Kreacher pop him in an alley outside the Leaky Cauldron.

Harry walked in and didn't have to wait long to see Neville and his grandmother coming out of the floo. Harry walked over and Neville didn't recognize him but after convincing Neville it was actually him, he introduced himself to Dowager Longbottom. Holy shit! it's M. I wonder if Bond is around? After the introductions they took the floo to Longbottom Hall.

"Welcome to Longbottom Hall, Harry." Neville shyly welcomed his friend. "Thanks, Nev. Happy birthday!" Neville blushed and said thanks. Neville took Harry on a tour of the estate and ended up showing Harry his greenhouse. Harry was amazed at how peaceful it was. A hot tub would be ballin in here. I'll tell him when he starts dating. Bwahahaha! "This is great, Nev. I can see why you are so proud of it. By the way, do you want your birthday presents now or should we wait for your grandmother?"

"Y-you didn't have to get me anything, Harry." Neville stated. "Nev, you are my friend and it's your birthday, of course I got you presents." Harry reassured Neville. They went inside and had lunch with Dowager Longbottom and he gave his presents to Neville. Neville was ecstatic. When Neville went to put his books away Harry and the Dowager were left alone. "Thank you Harry, Neville doesn't have very many friends and he truly appreciates you coming by to celebrate with him." The stern women said between sips of tea. "He is a good kid he just needs to work on his confidence. I'm sure if he had a wand that was matched to him he would be a powerhouse and his confidence would go up." The Dowager's eyebrow rose. She obviously didn't like that a child was questioning her but she had to admit his comments had some merit. "Why do you think he would be a powerhouse?"

Time for that good ol' bullshit. "Well, I happened to hear the professors discussing how it didn't make sense how Neville was so magically strong but he seemed to have problems casting spells almost like his wand did not match him. So I researched and the only thing that made sense is that the wand isn't his but someone else's; which then led me to believe it's either his mother's or father's but now I'm sure it's his father's wand. Am I close?"

"Maybe, Mr. Potter. So you think if my Neville had his own wand that he would perform better?" She asked. Harry put his tea down and replied, "I think it would be very cheap and easy to find out." Augusta Longbottom took another sip and said, "we will see."

Harry spent the night at Longbottom Hall. He got Neville to open up about his parents and their condition. "M-Most people don't seem to understand what it's like to not have your parents around except for you and Susan Bones but at least I'm lucky enough to see my parents. You and Sue don't, so I guess it's not so bad." Neville mumbled as he looked at his new Bonsai trees.

"You know, it's just a weird situation, from what you have told me they are stuck in their minds reliving the worst night of their lives, if only you could obliviate that night from their memories... You should ask the doctor, I mean healer if it would be possible." Little did the boys know that Augusta had heard their conversation from the doorway and was already making plans to see if that could be possible.

The following day Neville and his grandmother woke up and had their house elf go wake Harry but the house elf informed them that he was in the backyard doing strange things. Intrigued both Longbottoms went to the rear door and watched Harry doing push ups, sit ups and burpees. They had never seen anything like it before and after watching him do a few cool down stretches waved him over. Harry took the towel the little house elf had set out for him and wiped himself off before walking over to the table that was set up in the veranda. "Good morning Longbottoms." Let's see if I can talk Neville into getting in better shape. Harry greeted the pair. "Harry what in the world were you doing just now?" asked a very curious Neville. Well I don't know if you noticed but last year I was not the healthiest person. I saw a doctor, oh you wouldn't know what that is, a doctor is a non magical healer. She said I needed to start exercising otherwise wise I would have growth problems. You see, I live with my non magical relatives so it's easier for them to take me to a doctor than to Saint Mungos. Since I've started, I've discovered that the healthier my body is the stronger my magic gets. I happened to run into a healer recently and asked her why that might be and she stated that since most of my magic isn't being used to keep my body healthy it's now 'freed' up to be used for other things such as spells. I highly recommend starting a workout plan, Nev. You not only feel better but makes you stronger both physically and magically. It also helps mentally since it gives you confidence. We may be a little young to be thinking about "courting", but girls will be more receptive to strong looking wizard than a little boy no bigger than a house elf. Lastly it helps with stamina, if i'm ever in a situation where I need to trade spells with someone I'll be able to either outlast them or be able to dodge more spells and run away. I'd prefer not to be hit by a spell then trying my luck outlasting someone though. Well, if you will excuse me, I will take a quick shower and join you for breakfast." Seriously, if this was an rpg my bullshitting skill would be at like level 60 by now.

After a quick shower and a change of clothes the occupants of Longbottom Hall were treated to a nice breakfast breakfast on the veranda. "H-Harry, do you think you can help me with this 'work out plan' you were talking about?" Harry smiled, "sure Neville, if you want we can even go to non magical London later and get you the proper clothes for working out."

Neville gave Harry his present which the original Harry would have treasured more than anything but Harry 2.0 just thought was sweet. Neville and his grandmother had given Harry another photo album of his parents including a picture of both Harry and Neville as babies in a playpen. Fuck, I need to pretend I love this. Although, pipsqueak and Neville's moms were stone cold foxes back in day. Harry used his occlumency to dial up sadness enough to make him misty eyed. "T-thanks Nev, Thank you, ma'am. This is a very precious gift. I feel like my gifts fell a bit short compared to the gift you have given me." Neville became flustered because he didn't know how to react. "I know! we can go explore non magical London and go shopping. It will be my treat, I insist." Augusta Longbottom was reticent to let the boys go to muggle London without a chaperone especially because she was anxious to go to Saint Mungos to see if Harry's theory could possibly work to heal her son and daughter in law. "I don't know boys, we may have to go another time, I have some business to take care off and I don't want you boys to go alone." Harry feigned a thoughtful frown. "We can go with your house elf, I've read they can turn invisible and she can chaperone us and get us back if we run into trouble."

Augusta decided it was a fair compromise and left for Saint Mungos. After donning some baseball caps the boys and Tilly the elf took the floo to the Leaky Cauldron and made their way to the streets of London. Harry got them a cab and made their way to a department store. "Harry this is amazing!" Neville gasped as he and Harry walked into the store." Harry smiled at how culture shocked the kid was. "Come on Nev, we need to get you some work out clothes and shoes"

An hour later the boys were taking a cab back to the Leaky Cauldron. "Alright Nev, you have all the proper gear now, I'll send you a work out plan by owl later today." They arrived at the Leaky, Harry paid for the cab and walked Neville and Tilly to the floo. "Thanks for inviting me into your home Nev, I hope you had a great birthday because I know I did. Tell your grandmother thanks for me." Neville gave a shy smile, "I had a great birthday too and thanks for all the presents." Harry patted Neville on the shoulder and watched the boy leave. Harry snuck back out to the London streets and made his way to a side street, morphed into generic kid face #3 and called the knight bus. With a backblast like a shotgun the bus arrived. Harry stepped into the bus and came face to face with Stan Shunpike and Ern. "Where to, kid" asked a pimply faced Stan. "Little Hangleton, please." Stan shrugged, "11 sickles, but 13 gets you a hot water bottle and toothbrush of your choice." Harry gave him the 11 sickles and found a seat.

To say that the Knight bus was the worst way to travel magically is like saying hell is hot. Harry stumbled out into the street and swore he would never use the Knight bus unless it was a life and death situation. Harry found the little Hangleton library and after pretending he needed help on his school project on the old families that made up Little Hangleton the librarian gave him directions to both Riddle Manor and to where the creepy old Gaunt shack was.

Harry walked to Riddle Manor and called for Kreacher. Kreacher popped next to Harry and squeezed his arm. "Kreacher, remain hidden and remember this place, the graveyard on the property will be a target at a later date, for now, follow me." Harry and Kreacher made their way onto the property and snuck around until the found the graveyard. With that objective completed they went to find the Gaunt shack.

They eventually found the Gaunt Shack which really did look creepy as hell. "Kreacher stay behind me and keep an eye out for snakes. When I say home, you will pop us back to the graveyard. Kreacher squeezed his arm in acknowledgement. Harry walked up to the shack door and saw the snake that had been nailed to it. Poor little guy, it's still alive and has been nailed to this door this whole time. The snake eyed Harry as he walked up to the door.

Just as Harry reached the door the snake spoke. Halt! Speak the password and you may enter. Harry was surprised he understood what the snake was saying. Well, shit! What would Asshole the douche lord use as a password? " I am Lord Slytherin and Lord Gaunt, I will not be denied entry to my own property!" The snake hissed for awhile until finally the door lock clicked and the door opened slightly. Ok...I'm a Parseltongue! Sweet! Seriously, bullshitting should be a solid level 75-80.

"Kreacher, get the special case ready." Kreacher gave his acknowledging arm squeeze and Harry pulled out his untraceable Ebony wand and a G.I. Joe, which he placed on the ground in front of him. Well, hope this works otherwise the studying and practice has been for nothing. Harry pointed his wand at the action figure and cast the animation charm.

The figure came to life and looked at Harry confusedly. "Listen up soldier! Your mission is to retrieve the ring and put it in the case. Keep your head on a swivel out there and get ready, we are going in 30 seconds." The G.I. Joe nodded gave a salute and got ready. Yay! The charm worked. I can't believe I just had a Small Soldiers moment. Harry turned around and started searching and as he searched, he left plastic bottles full of household chemicals.

Harry found the floor board and levitated it away. He caught a glimpse of the ring and was assaulted with a need to put the ring on but before he could take a step he felt a little hand pull him back. Harry shook his head and strengthened his occlumency barriers. "Thanks Kreacher, that was a close one. Get the case ready." Kreacher give his arm a squeeze and did what he was ordered. Harry looked down at the action figure that was making his way to the hole in the floor. "Alright soldier, in that hole is a high value target. Secure the ring and we will extract you and you will put the ring in the case. I won't lie to you it's more than likely a one way trip. You can back out now." I can't believe I'm hamming it up during an op. I need to focus. Damn 12 year old mischievousness.

The G.I. Joe nodded and gave a salute which Harry returned. "You do your country proud, good hunting." The action figure did an about face and jumped in to the hole. Harry heard a slight knock from Joe and he peered into the hole and saw the action figure curled around the ring. Harry levitated the action figure out of the shack into the early evening air. Harry saw the metal case and floated the toy over it and dropped it into the waiting basilisk venom below. Harry and Kreacher ran back and waited. They saw the little box shake then the familiar smoke rose up and bubble before it shrunk. They hid behind the trees right before the unearthly screech and explosion.

When they came out of cover the metal case and ring were nowhere to be found. A quick accio later and the case few towards Harry and both ring and stone flew to him and hit him in the chest. Kreacher handed him the dragon hide gloves and he picked both up and placed them in the prepared moke bag. All that was left to do was to burn the shack down. Earlier he had Kreacher collect a pack of cigarettes, cigarette butts and a lighter to make it seem like teenagers had used this place to hang out and experiment with household chemicals. Harry threw the cigarette butts by the trees and house then walked over to the door and decided to speak with the snake nailed to the door. Hey little guy, you got a name?

The snake turned his head and replied, this one is known as Isabel, Lord. Harry nodded, Hello Isabel, I noticed that the previous Lord nailed you to the door, are you in pain? Can I get you off that door or am I too late to help? The snake shook its head. It is to late for me, Lord. The only thing keeping me alive is the nails, I just wish to rest. Harry sighed, I'll release you from this cursed existence. I hope your paradise is warm and heavily populated by big juicy rats.

Harry removed the nails and watched the poor snake finally be free. He turned to Kreacher who had been quietly standing behind fully visible with a molotov in hand. Harry took the bottle lit the rag and threw it into the shack. Kreacher grabbed his arm and they popped back to the graveyard just in time to witness an explosion in the distance. Verifying that the shack was ablaze, Harry turned to Kreacher, "Take me back to the FOB and you can go back to Grimmauld and rest we still have a few things to plan before I leave for Hogwarts."

After Kreacher had popped Harry back to his tent. He showered, changed and had a quick dinner. He wrote out an easy workout plan and had Hedwig take it to Neville. Fuck! I should have taken all the Riddle family remains and had that shit thrown into a volcano or something. Fuck! Now they are gonna up security. I guess I'll have to wait till next summer to get rid of that shit. Harry did his nightly meditation and finally crashed for the night.

Harry sat down and wrote his to do list. First, he decided to get ready for his stay at The Burrow and packed his original school trunk with clothing and some of his first year books and other school supplies. He decided it would be his decoy trunk. His personal trunk would be shrunk down and worn at all times. Second, he would have to let the Weasley twins know he would be quitting quidditch. I got an insurgency to put down, aint nobody got time for quidditch, although I will be trying out broom flying cuz pipsqueak's memories made it seem like crazy fun. Third, need to let Molly and Ginny know that I absolutely hate fangirls and that i would rather die than ever date or marry a fangirl, subtly of course. I always hated the Ginny/Harry ship, too oedipal. Not to mention, my schoolmates are just kids and even though we are physically the same age it still seems gross to me cuz I am mentally old enough to be their fathers. Fourth, become Luna's friend and help her with the bullying. Fifth, catch Peter and hand him over to Ted or Amelia Bones so I can meet Sirius and see if he will be an ally or hindrance.

Two weeks flew by and Harry had Kreacher shrink his decoy trunk and pop him over to the non magical alley near the Leaky to meet the Weasley's, and Hermione. Harry turned to Kreacher. "Alright Kreacher, our mission today is to watch out for Lucius Malfoy. He will try to put a book in Ginny Weasley's things, your job is to retrieve it from her Cauldron full of books. The one you are after is dark and will most likely not have any writing on the cover. Once you get it, lock it up in the Black Armory we will destroy it at a later time." Kreacher smiled, "Kreacher will not fail, young master."

Harry squared his shoulders and walked into the leaky and pulled out his Holly wand and made his way into Diagon alley. With his cap, new attire, and new physique, no one recognized him. He saw Hermione and her parents talking with the Weasley's. Time to get that bullshitting skill to 100.

Harry walked up to the group, "Hello Hermione, Hey Ron." The group stopped their conversations and looked at this tallish 12 year old who could pass for 14 and wondered who he was. Ron looked at the stranger and asked the question the group was thinking. "Who the hell are you?" Yup, definitely hell. I don't think I'll make it the two weeks in The Burrow.


End file.
